Guys…let’s be real: you love the lady in your life. You love her smile, the way she moves, how she wears it, makes it…I’m sure I could go on.
But let’s be honest: how well do you actually show it? Perhaps not as much as you’re capable of, right?
Well, fear not. If you’re here hoping to spice up your marital dating relationship or simply mature as a pursuer, I got you covered. Granted, I can only give you a head start in your quest for better connection, but hey…a boost is a boost and that’s, in part, why HGF exists.
That said, let’s dive in and discuss three ways we, as husbands, can better date our wives…
- Date her, not the moment
As an adventure aficionado, I love a good time. Whether dinner and a movie, pizza in the park, or a concert on the green, it’s hard to top a night out with the ‘better half’.
Still, if you’re like me in the sense you take pride in being a skilled date night architect, then heed the reminder: a date is about the person you’re with, not the setting or seconds it happens in.
Not to suggest the man shouldn’t effort in laying down the proverbial red carpet. After all, dating and wooing should never be mutually exclusive; however, if you’re a guy who tends to pursue the moment more than the ‘so’ (significant other), it’s fair to question not only where your heart is anchored, but also who (or what) you’re actually dating.
My advice? Always remember while framing the moment is key, at the end of the day a) the woman is why you’re on the date in the first place, b) intimacy trumps entertainment, and c) it’s not about you.
Apply this formula in unison and I guarantee the moment will be where it needs to (i.e. secondary to the relationship).
Bottom line: 1) What makes a date is your date, not the date. 2) Don’t pursue what can’t pursue you back; instead, dare to align your focus and priorities on what ultimately lasts.
- Make love a present rhythm
No question, time is a valuable commodity; hence, the reason ‘date’ (the engagement) shares the same word as ‘date’ (the occasion); however, have you ever wondered what would happen if the two dates became less synonymous?
For instance, if you’re on date wanting to ignite nostalgia into the moment, can you honestly say what you’re on is a ‘date’? Or are you simply trying to regurgitate a throwback to feel closer to ‘first love’?
And hear me, men: I’m not trying to gut punch your moxy here. I’m just sayin’ for those who may be in the routine of dating as opposed to the rhythm, it’s worth exercising caution when comparing the current edition of your ‘better half’ to the edition you first met. ‘Cause truth is: your wife isn’t who she used to be…and the love you’ve built isn’t what it used to be. Rather, both are continually upgrading on account of precious time and energy being invested into a deeper connection fermenting with time.
Therefore, if you can resist the comparisons, then chances are you’ll be in much better position to revive love in the present, not an outdated version from years past.
Bottom line: 1) The best way to ‘carpe diem’ your date starts with sparking love where it’s at, not where it’s been. 2) Be in the rhythm, not routine, of dating your wife.
- Make her the center of attention
While I may seem like a ‘hitch’ for dating, I admit there are times I [almost] take the opportunity for granted.
Yet, whenever I’m lucky fortunate enough to catch myself, I’ve learned the best adjustment is to find my wife within my attention and make her the center.
To do this, I subscribe to the following formula…
- Turn off your cell phone. Note: If you’re more controlled than I am, you can get away with silencing, but as one who likes to check scores, fantasy teams, social media post-‘post’, etc…I’ve learned it’s better/safer to go the extra yard here).
- Sit back turned to screens. Exception: Your wife has agreed to join you on a Buffalo Wild Wings date to watch the Predators, Titans (or the team of your choice) dominate.
- Seek a new compliment and/or question. Guys, if you can relate to point #2, then you’re going to want to deviate from distraction in a way that blends creativity with challenge. For me, this comes in the form of asking, ‘What’s new’ without actually saying ‘what’s new’.
a) ‘I noticed you talking with ____ on the phone earlier? How did your conservation go? What did you talk about?’ (Note: Don’t EVER stop a thread after one question. See how the second question gives dialogue more trail options?)
b) ‘I noticed the casserole tasted different. What extra ingredient did you use? Whatever it was, I liked it!’ (Note: Some may consider ‘different’ to be a dangerous word; however, if you use it, make sure the connotation is positive. Yes, you could say ‘better’, but in case her reply is, ‘What was wrong with it before?’…make sure you have an answer ready).
c) ‘How was your admin tech meeting?’ What did your team talk about?
d) ‘If I remember correctly, you had a lunch date today with _____’ (repeat ‘a’ in follow-up)
e) Plan a future getaway and inquire bucket-list activities while also linking them to adventures of old (i.e. did you ever do this as a family back in the day; great way to blend past, present, and future together).
Bottom line: Regardless of what route you choose, remember a) whenever you give authentic inquisition and humility permission to dig, you ultimately discover places within your spouse you didn’t realize were there, b) your wife is a tome, not a spark note…thus why not read every word of every page as opposed to just skimming, and c) as husbands, we were made to reflect perfect love in perfecting fashion…which can’t happen unless we make it known.
So what are we waiting for? Let’s show our wives what they were made to be shown…and relish the time we have to be a part of something bigger than ourselves.
Stay tuned next time for Lyssah‘s installment on how wives can better relate and connect to their husbands.
Cover photo creds: Mental Floss