If youâre like me, you like to reflect.
So much to say, so much to doâŚhow can either happen when thereâs so much to think.
Yet, as we journey another January, the heart behind this series, as made known last year, is still the same:
If we want to think right, then we must get right, if we want to get right, then we must get real…and if we want to get real, we must value cleanse before change.
Not to suggest such internal inventory is easy. Certainly putting all things on the table for examination requires courage, humility, vulnerabilityâŚamong other things; however, since my goal with these posts is to help us embrace Godâs ânextâ, it only makes sense to pray into the substitutionsš God has for us.
That said, here are three things Iâm owning as we turn the page to 2019âŚ
1) Making sense of my surroundings
Itâs remarkable the ways we justify our surroundings. I know for me, whenever I find myself in what I canât explain, living in the moment can almost seem secondary to knowing why it has to exist. âIf only I can solve the mystery, perhaps then I can find the satisfaction and peace I crave,â I sometimes think.
But as we know, the journey of life is far from cut and dry. As much as we want to reconcile all our relationships and circumstances, weâll never be able to given sin and free willâs response to it among other things.
Granted, Godâs sovereignty isnât confined by manâs weakness. But itâs also not restricted by our ability to âsherlockâ the past. And itâs this temptation I believe trips many of us up. We long to feel affirmed when weâre down. We yearn to feel validated when we smell injustice. We burn to make sense of our surroundings when they donât make sense. Yet, in our quest to solve our voids, little do we realize the size of our ego and the numbing effect it has on our attitudes and heart postures.
Itâs not always fun to accept, but the way I see it: Often the reason we are where we are is because God wants to help us find our kneelâŚto show us where our independencies have become idolatriesâŚand to learn reliance within the unforced rhythms of grace. Perhaps youâve struggled to grasp this feeling in seasons of idleness or stressâŚin settings where you felt more like a fish in an aquatic Pandoraâs box.
If so, take a bite of my 2018 testimony. Our free will exists so we can choose Jesus to find freedom. No 12-step program full of striving. Just a simple decision to resist the fear of man and the impulse to make sense of our surroundings.
Accordingly, if you sense the temptation but not the exit, yield to surrender, voice the heartcry, and receive the serenity of stilled waters. God has not abandoned you, so donât you abandon ship.
2) The Nazareth complex
I suppose this could be a subset of point #1, but the nature of this conviction alone is worth emphasizing.
As alluded to in my 2018 Year in Review post, when last year started, going back to The Gate was far from an option. Having phased out of LEGACYouth weeks prior, my hope had clung to a sunset narrative where my last days of youth ministry would coincide with where it took place. While there were many reasons I emotionally did not want to return, the core of my withdrawal² centered on what I call the Nazareth complex.
The Nazareth complex is based out of Luke 4:14-30 when Jesus is driven out of his hometown (i.e. Nazareth) after revealing his true identity at the synagogue. While obviously I’m no Jesus, the person correlation was this: Among whom whose eyes I had been under for years, there was no way for me to be known as God knew me. As such, what Nazareth was to Jesus, The Gate/local church was to me. To move on with my life, I had to leave the church to find anyone who not only would listen, but see me sans past and last name.
Of course, itâs safe to say Jesus never employed such a self-absorbed attitude. Still, itâs not hard to see why my deception took months to dissipate with resentment rooted in deception and victimization fixed in misapplied Scripture. To justify my isolated ego, I had to constantly cite the past, church gossip, unsurrendered soul/spirit hurtsâŚeven assumed vain assumptions (sounds confusing, but thatâs unholy fear for you).
Yet, as the story goes, I eventually woke up, realizing if I truly wanted to move on and take hold of the new, I couldnât keep holding on the way I had been. Six months later, the exchange is still ongoing…however, the door to freedom is much wider, in large part, to having repented of this complex.
3) Financial fitness
For many couples, one spouse is the buyer, the other is the saver. In my relationship with Lyssah, the contrast is evident. While Iâm a buyer who lives well within his means, Lys is much better at budgeting and sticking to it.
Ironically, you would never know by where our financial anxieties lie. As co-bread winners, to make ends meet, we both must work…whatever the cost with whatever time we can give. Unfortunately, the drive for excellence doesnât always extinguish the entitlements and justifiers we use to buy (or even save for) momentary contentment/peace.
I know for me, I can only afford to invest so much as I near the end of paying off student loans. The white lie, then, is if I canât currently invest as much as I want for my family, I should be frugal in my giving and employ generosity through alternative means. Yet, as Iâve been convicted, often my lack of giving ties to a lack of trust manifest as leverage against God for not opening certain doors. And I think for some of us, we forget withdrawing doesnât just apply to our presence and/or banking transactions. Itâs applies to trusting God with our financesâŚour energyâŚour timeâŚnot just what to sow, but where to sow and how much.
All that said, if you feel financial weak starting 2019, youâre not alone. Yeah, Iâm an ex-Ramsey spouse. I have content, lessons, and principles I can pass down to future generations. But I also knowâŚ
-
If Iâm not maturing my stewardship, those values can only go so far.
-
Ifâ Iâm not maturing my stewardship, my intentionality in inviting God into my budget will be compromised.
As for 2019, no longer will I reduce God to an on-call financial counselor and over-rely on my wifeâs strengths to make up the difference. Rather, Iâm going to pursue financial fitness, embrace frugality under the context of stewardship, and flex into shape accordingly.
Think of it this way: Even though money isnât the end-all, be-all of extending Godâs providence, in no way should we want Godâs faithfulness to be restricted by what weâre not trusting Him in.
Besides if youâre reading this, chances are you have enough and know God as more than enough. Not do you have what it takesâŚbut you can do this. Why not do it together?
Selah.
Footnotes
- Where Iâm letting go of a stronghold, sin, negative thought pattern, etc. to replace it with something better
- Albeit an indefinite sabbatical was necessary
