The Part No One Talks About: A Letter to Exhausted NICU Dads

There’s a kind of exhaustion that doesn’t announce itself while you’re in it.

It’s not loud. It doesn’t always look like breaking down in a hallway or sitting in the dark parking lot outside the hospital trying to gather yourself before you go back in. Sometimes it just looks like functioning. Clocking in. Clocking out. Making calls. Answering texts. Sitting beside the hospital bed like you’re holding the whole world together with duct tape and determination.

You do what you have to do.

You become provider, advocate, scheduler, translator of medical jargon, emotional anchor, and sometimes the only stable point in a room full of uncertainty. You learn to live in two worlds at once—one foot in hospital rooms that smell like sanitizer and fear, the other in a life that keeps demanding normalcy from you like nothing has changed.

And somehow, everything has changed.

For a lot of dads, the hardest part isn’t just surviving the NICU or a long hospital season. It’s what comes after.

Because when the alarms stop and the routine of scans, rounds, and consultations fades, there’s this quiet that shows up. And in that quiet, everything you didn’t have space to feel starts asking for attention.

That’s where it gets complicated.

During the crisis, you run on adrenaline and necessity. There’s no room to fall apart, because someone has to keep the wheels turning. But once the urgency lifts, the body finally catches up with what the mind had to postpone.

And sometimes that looks like depression that didn’t have time to introduce itself earlier.

It’s disorienting, because people around you assume the hardest part is over. They’re grateful—and you are too—but they don’t always see that “over” doesn’t mean “undone.” You’re still carrying the weight of decisions, sleepless nights, financial strain, and the quiet fear that lived under every update from a doctor.

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.” — Psalm 55:2

And if you’re honest, you might not even have the language for what you’re feeling yet. Just heaviness. Irritability. Numbness. A sense that you should be “back to normal” by now, but normal doesn’t quite exist anymore in the same way.

What makes it harder is how isolating it can be.

Not everyone is equipped to hold space for what you’re processing. Some people move on quickly, not out of indifference, but because life keeps moving and they don’t know what to say anymore. Even family, as well-meaning as they are, might be dealing with their own version of grief or fear. So, the support you need doesn’t always show up in the way you need it to show up.

And you can find yourself in this strange place of being surrounded, yet still alone with it.

Then there’s the layer no one talks about enough: your kids still needing care beyond survival. Appointments. Therapies. Counseling. Emotional regulation that requires patience you’re not sure you have left. And you’re trying to be the steady presence for them while quietly wondering who is steady for you.

That tension can feel impossible—like you’re supposed to be both strong and untouched by what you’ve just walked through.

But you’re not untouched. You’re just still standing. And there’s a difference.

If you’re in that in-between space—the season after the season—where everything is quieter but somehow heavier, I want to say this clearly:

What you’re feeling is not a failure of faith, strength, or character. It’s often the delayed impact of prolonged stress and trauma finally finding space to surface.

You were in survival mode. Now you’re in recovery mode, even if it doesn’t feel like recovery yet.

Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

And recovery is not linear.

Some days you’ll feel fine. Other days you’ll feel like you’re back in it emotionally, even when nothing is actively wrong. That doesn’t mean you’re going backward. It means your mind and body are processing what they couldn’t process in real time.

You don’t have to rush that.

You also don’t have to do it alone, even if it feels like the support around you is limited. Sometimes the right support isn’t a crowd, it’s one person who can sit with you without trying to fix it.

Sometimes it’s a counselor who understands trauma and transition. Sometimes it’s simply learning to name what’s happening inside you, so it doesn’t stay undefined and heavy.

Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” — Galatians 6:2

And if you’re struggling to be present the way you want to be, especially for your kids, it doesn’t disqualify you. Conversely, it reflects the reality that you’ve been carrying more than one person is designed to carry for a long time.

Your presence matters more than your perfection.

Even now. Even in the exhaustion. Even in the days when you feel like you’re just getting through.

If no one has told you lately in plain terms: what you carried through that season was significant. What you’re carrying now still matters. And what you need in this season matters just as much as what everyone else needs from you.

There’s no shame in needing time to come back to yourself.

And maybe that starts with letting God meet you honestly instead of trying to meet Him polished.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

You’re not behind. You’re not broken.

You’re in the aftermath of something heavy—and learning how to breathe again in a different kind of normal.

Cover graphic creds: ChatGPT

Why I’ve Been So Quiet Lately

There are seasons when words flow freely—and seasons when they don’t.

This is one of those seasons for me.

If you’ve noticed fewer blog posts or podcast episodes, I want to offer a simple and honest update about why. Not as an exhaustive explanation of everything happening in my life, but as a way of being transparent with this community I deeply value.

Since December, I’ve been engaged in counseling and therapy at The Refuge Center. This has been an important part of my ongoing healing journey as I continue to process past trauma and pursue greater wholeness. It is steady, intentional work that requires time, honesty, and emotional presence.

In February, I entered the editing phase of Jubilee’s book while also starting her nonprofit (more details to come). These are sacred responsibilities to me, and they deserve thoughtful attention as these efforts begin to lift off the ground.

In March, I stepped into a new Accounting Manager role with Rural Health Redesign Center. It has been a meaningful professional transition, but also one that requires focus and adjustment as I learn new rhythms and responsibilities. Around the same time, I began a two-month mental health evaluation as part of Vanderbilt’s VUMC Studyfinder program, which confirmed my ASD diagnosis earlier this month.

Alongside these transitions, my roles at The Gate Church and Messenger Fellowship have also shifted. Instead of focusing on admin and tech support, I’m beginning to move more into my wheelhouse—spiritual formation and education. This work has been deeply life-giving, though more inward-facing.

Most importantly, I’m doing my best to be fully present for my kids and support them as they finish their school semesters strong. That responsibility remains one of my highest priorities.

All of these pieces together have created a season in which I simply do not have the same capacity for consistent blogging and podcasting as before.

This is not a step away from this space, but rather a recognition of the season I am currently in.

I still believe in the value of storytelling, reflection, and honest conversation. I still care deeply about this community. And when the time and capacity return, I look forward to engaging more regularly again.

For now, I’m grateful for your patience, your understanding, and your continued presence here.

Thank you for walking with me.

— Cameron

Cover graphic creds: Center for Grief Counseling

‘Project’ Management: How to Live in the Joy of Our Divine Security (Intro)

Two months into grief counseling, I’ve been thinking about certain deterrents, specifically those that rob our security in Christ. 

Why is it so many take momentary solace in the Lord, yet overall, feel less assured within His sovereignty? Why are some content in their acceptance of Jesus, but not in their walk with Him? 

Looking in the mirror, I’ve been compelled to take inventory, in part, to assist the new support I have on the ground. The fact I’m even in this position is a huge answer to prayer. 

Still, the reality and discovery alike are uncomfortable; hence, why I’m on the hunt for words, wisdom, and answers. What makes one want the safety of God’s protection without the anchoring? What keeps a man sealed but at times, unhinged? How is it one can mentally grasp his identity in Christ but not rest in his position in Christ? 

These inquiries are but a few I hope to address in this new ‘Project Management’ series.

Before we continue, let me define “project management” in this context. Because I can tell you straight up: I’m not talking about an application of knowledge and tools to project activities. Rather, I’m highlighting the human condition to project our insecurities when we’re dislodged from the truth, when we’re overwhelmed to the point what we’re doing to others is reciprocally perceived. 

Sometimes, we project insecurity out of feeling misjudged and misunderstood. Other times, we project insecurity to obtain a false sense of disconnection. Ever wonder why we play the victim card when we’re hurt and offended? Usually, the reason involves a desire to cast off our pain to fight or flight from it. The problem when we project insecurity, be it a suspicion, self-doubt, a reassurance craving, or unbridled fear, is we misappropriate humility and, in turn, miss opportunities to deal with offenses at their root level. Understandably, an insecure mindset can be taxed when confronting pride on top of everything else; however, we must realize if our belief in the reality of Christ is chained to seeing Him consistently reflected in the places He’s called us to, we can’t say we’re fully relying on Him. It’s one thing to be desperate for Christ to be known; it’s another to want His nature extended for our benefit. 

Thankfully, by God’s grace, we have His Spirit to draw us to misaligned places needing correction (2 Timothy 3:16-17; Hebrews 12:11). In many situations, this is enough to mitigate an insecurity before it matures into a weapon. Yet, for those who are suffering at a high level, wrestling with grief, perhaps not as aware due to a medical condition and/or neurodivergence, certain behaviors and thought patterns may be more suppressed. What about these cases? 

My theory is simple, though with application complexity under the surface:

Insecurity is a divergent manifestation of underlying thoughts straying from any root where freedom can be found.

In essence, it is a projection away from our original design by way of comparison, manufactured deficit filling, really any vehicle driving us away from surrender and reliance. Often, we project out, not up, when we’re shelled by concerns and anxieties outside our control or initiation. The question is: How do we project our way to Jesus, when the streams we’re in take us another way? For those in healthy places, how do we nurture cultures where God’s heart is evident, His power prevalent?

If I’m truly following Jesus for the sake of emulating Him, I’m not only putting myself in position to abide in my security in Christ, but also giving those around me a steppingstone foundation to orient accordingly. Put another way, our security in Christ ​doesn’t stop at the assurance of salvation but strengthens as we freely abide from the burden of condemnation, accept the credit of Christ’s righteousness (Romans 4:24), and replace unholy beliefs with radical, transformative truths. Adhering to this pathway, we can discover a new confidence amidst the freedom that purifies the way we love and partner with people. 

So, may it be with this series – that those in need of purified projection find traction and momentum, where they can live secured in their walk with Christ. Buckle up, my friends. It’s going to be a fun, albeit bumpy ride as we journey closer to the Son. 

Cover graphic creds: Chuck Pierce

Commit, Then Trust: A Key to Life in 2026

Well, folks. A new year is upon us. Time to take inventory of the good, the bad, and yes, the awesome!

For some, 2025 was a rough year, easily worth leaving behind; for others, the year wasn’t so bad, perhaps the kind one can build from. Regardless of the narrative, there’s a way to find footing and advance with confidence into the new year. While the steps are unique depending on the person and situation, there exists a holy outline from which we can corporately adhere; hence, why I’m sparing no time (and expense) in publishing this post.

As always, let’s dive in…

Some of you may recall last year’s post, in which I challenged us to invite God into our midst and request a divine reset. This year, my thoughts are more centered on the notion presented to us in Psalm 37:5 and Proverbs 16:3.

  • Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” ~ Psalm 37:5
  • Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” ~ Proverbs 16:3

Assessing these two passages¹, one quickly notes how these passages emphasize ‘commit’; specifically, we’re not called to trust God, then commit our ways, but to commit our ways and let God establish our steps as we trust. To me, this order is more than significant; it’s a complete game-changer. Often, when we perceive our faith as ‘half-mast’, we assume we must raise it to ‘full’ before we can ask God for anything, be it clarity, an intervention, or a modicum of peace. However, that’s not at all what the Psalmist is suggesting.

Rather, his imploration for us is to commit our ways to the Lord, regardless of how we feel, and marvel as He reveals and straightens our paths. Granted, this doesn’t mean the journey will be easy or lack detours and scenic routes. Certainly, there may be times when we struggle out of the gate, get off track, and/or wander into uncalled/unchartered territory; however, the beauty of committing our way unto the Lord is not only its simple starting point but in its liberating follow-through. If you ever wonder what you have to lose by clinging to Jesus, the answer is always a detriment to where you want to go and, more importantly, who you are designed to be. I’m looking at you, pride, ego, fear, jealousy, and anger, just to name a few.

I don’t know about you, but I desire to tap into holy curiosity more in 2026 than ever before. Sometimes, I succumb to partial surrender and stray from steadfast belief. It happens to the best of us. Yet, as long as I have breath, I long to praise the Lord from a heart that desires integrity and congruity in all things.

God save me from the places, even curses of old, that sought to discourage me past the point of fair application. Keep me steady on the straight and narrow, so I may be vertically anchored while pointing people to Jesus as the appropriate steps are taken. I may not fully grasp how the journey has evolved, I may not know where I’m going, and I may struggle with occasional distractions. But Christ in me, the hope of glory, I will not give up on the God who doesn’t give up on me. I may not understand the next move or where I’m at; however, I can still choose to reset and abide in you as I pour out my aims, goals, and hurts.

To those who felt 2025 was a ‘step back’ kind of year, I want to encourage you not to lose hope, to seek help and wisdom, and to abandon any internal space where hate and pride may be marinating. I say this as one who struggled last year, believing the lie that God abandoned him through the saints and past vocational misplacements.

Yet, as one who is back in counseling for the first time post-Jubilee, I employ you, my friends, not to grow weary. By all means, in prayer, and with God, don’t be overcome by evil or withhold love to your brother. Instead, confess hope, encourage each other, and press onward with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. From there, pause, be still, and watch what God will do. You got this, as hard as it may be to believe right now.

He will renew your strength, revive your bones, and reset your course. All you have to do is submit and surrender.

Cover graphic creds: AI iStock/Canva

Footnotes

  1. Also see Proverbs 16:9; Psalm 32:8

Autside Looking In: 3 Ways to Support Spectrum People at Work

I’m blessed to serve where I work in this season. As my employer‘s name suggests, the extension of opportunity and grace has proven effective in recent years, a corporate Godsend in the sense I’ve discovered what I can offer within a healthy environment. 

That said, I’m also blessed to have worked in places where support and psychological safety were absent. Granted, those shortages came during a period when people weren’t as woke on the subject of neurodiversity as they are today.

Still, given the uptick of autism awareness in recent years, I want to examine ways employers can assist employees who are on the spectrum or struggling beyond their emotional or mental capacity. Too often, businesses will take reactive approaches to painful situations instead of proactively collaborating in humility. For what is working and what isn’t, consider this breakdown an attempt from experience to bridge the divide.

Let’s dive in… 

  1. Make Space, Show Grace

As one who is high functioning autistic, I can attest to the profound challenges—and lost potential—that come from working in environments where neurodiversity is misunderstood or undervalued. According to the Word, our individual design is not separate from our corporate identity given we are diverse in function and co-equal in value (Romans 12:4–8; 1 Corinthians 12:12–27). If we want to see our organizations thrive, we must understand this extends beyond job responsibilities to the very ways we perceive and process information.

For example, in previous roles, I was occasionally criticized for requesting additional technology, explicit communication, and extra time to process information—needs that stem from how I best contribute. At the time, I was embarrassed in the face of pushback; however, in hindsight, I recognize how advocating for these supports is not a weakness, but a strength that benefits the masses. Embracing neurodiversity requires courage from both sides. Leaders and managers have the opportunity—and the responsibility—to create inclusive environments where neurodivergent team members can excel. In turn, spectrum workers can extend patience and understanding to those who may not immediately relate. By fostering mutual respect and open dialogue, organizations can unlock innovation, loyalty, and a deeper sense of belonging for all.

  1. Withhold Premature Character Judgments 

When we examine an autistic colleague, there are certain factors to consider. For starters, many on the spectrum have heightened awareness not only to sensory stimuli but also rejection, exclusion, or just being misunderstood. Conversely, they can display diminished or skewed responses to social cues and nonverbal forms of communication, such as body language, facial expressions, even social media tact. In certain instances, an acute reaction may result when an autistic worker struggles to find words, senses a lack of psychological safety, and/or discerns discrimination. To the allistic eye, an autistic co-worker may be considered immature, irrational, emotional, or even complicated; however, in reality and within our behavior assessment, the truth is often beneath the surface of perception.

Regardless of our role, we must be slow to judge, if at all. While some mannerisms can seem confusing, the best move in general is to merge authority and/or care with curiosity before delegating constructive criticism. Rather than rebuke an accommodation, seek to understand its necessity. Don’t chastise an essential need when it might contradict your desire for conformity. Instead, assess workplace practices that can be unique and specific to each team member. In doing this, you’ll enhance a sense of security within your organization and decrease the odds of false labeling, treatment imbalances, and premature character judgments. 

  1. Nurture Their Strengths

Whatever you make of the spectrum, one thing is for sure: It is significantly broader and more complex than we think. As new information emerges, more people are discovering their place on neurodivergent planes. For those like me who didn’t discover their autism until adulthood, this can be quite the wake-up call. Yet, when we consider the big picture, we can find peace knowing once a diagnosis is confirmed and accepted, one can better understand how the difference between allistic and autistic is not to be compartmentalized but utilized!

For instance, most agree that autistic people tend to exhibit unconventional ways of perceiving instruction and execution. Some take directives down to the letter; others allot for creative interpretation. While understanding the behaviors, patterns, and preferences of autistic workers may be challenging at times, we must remember there’s value in not only acknowledging strengths and accommodations but nurturing them! For those in leadership, know your profiles, validate special needs, and as needed, receive and calibrate them to company policy without bias. Even though your supporting autistic colleague may talk differently and process more visually, you can still reel in their thoughts and fine-tune their priorities with precision. Be empowered, not discouraged in those moments.

Of course, in all this, taking the time to know the person you’re pouring into is key. On some days, you’ll find a ‘hands off’ approach is best; on other days, you’ll note a direct angle into constructive moments is more ideal. Regardless of the situation, bear in mind an autistic person benefits from stimuli conducive to their focus and security. Why not use your voice and support to be part of what they need to find safety and success in their role?

Now, I turn the podium over to you. What do you think about this topic? What other points would you add to this list? Do you have experience on either end of the spectrum? If so, I encourage you to share your thoughts. In the spirit of building one another up (Ephesians 4:11-16), Lys and I are here as always if you need us. 

God speed and as I always say in closing…

Cover graphic creds: Substack