Category: Grief Coaching & Counseling

Sovereignty in Suffering: Why God Heals and Sometimes Doesn’t

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Why does God heal some people and not others?

I’m combing through the archives, realizing I haven’t touched this question yet, at least head on. And I suppose part of my hesitancy is due to many answers rightfully citing God’s sovereignty, but in a borderline cringe-worthy way, if that makes sense, when you know the answer is correct but by incomplete, even insensitive means.

To those who have lost loved ones, the world not only needs to know the answer but how you specifically arrived there. As a former math undergrad, I can’t help but want to show my work. Even if I’m slightly off, a transparent step-by-step can be revealing for the better.

Without further ado, let’s dive in…

As teased above, the general issue I have in tackling this topic is the popular phrasing of the question, ‘Why God allows suffering…or bad things to happen’. A simple Google search is testament to many people not wanting the accountability that comes with free will as those loved by God yet born into sin. Before we can break down God’s sovereignty into what God allows versus doesn’t allow, one must know who God is.

For the purposes of this post, we’re going to establish God as more than enough, as the Rock whose work is perfect and ways are just – a “God of faithfulness and without iniquity” (Deuteronomy 32:4) whose steadfast love and faithfulness goes before Him (Psalm 89:14).

As such, if we want to believe in God, then we must accept absolute good as only possible through perfect love (I.e. The Trinity) which God not only possesses but fully embodies. Conversely, we must accept this reality isn’t possible within our self-centered bias and without a reliance on a higher authority. In essence, if we want to broach this question, we must assess our relationship to the supreme governance we’re taking into question. Remember relativism in a vacuum isn’t the problem; it’s the fact many have inverted relativism and absolutism with self being the standard setter, in turn, replacing faith with entitlement. Give me someone who doesn’t under the existence of suffering and I’ll show you one who doesn’t understand faith, hope, the divine and our relationship to it, etc.

But enough of the theological and philosophical mumbo-jumbo. I know most of you reading this understand all this. I’m just sayin’ if we want to address this inquiry, we must start with who God is…every time. Even if our inventory is nothing more than a refresher, the infinite layers of God’s greatness are worth pondering.

Back to the initial question: Why does God show His hand and seems to withhold it in some situations?

While there is truly an element of mystery within our quest to understand, the short and skinny is in Scripture. If we fuse a string from Paul’s letters, we find the God who works all things AND holds them together, intends all things for our good. Why should a man not complain about the consequences of sin? Why does God not always intervene to quench chaos, crisis, and calamity? That answer is in one word…His Word!

The way I think of it: The Creator of all things is always creating ways for people to find Him which includes the testimony of those who cling to Jesus. As for walking on the paths God sets, this requires responsibility and full reliance. Without them, one cannot find God within the grand scheme unfolding, let alone how He can redeem the effects of fallenness for His glory.

For Lys and I, while we’re decent people whose hearts are often in the right place, at the end of the day, we aren’t detached from the ultimate consequence of sin, which is death. Still…

  • By way of the Cross, we know our eternal home, security, and perspective regarding our freedom.
  • By way of restoration, we know healing and recovery.
  • By way of sanctification, we know suffering has a place as we discover God and mature into His likeness.

Accordingly, we believe the same God who gave us free will to choose Him is the same God who elects to choose how His power will manifest, even if the display isn’t synonymous with our initial expectation. Now, I know this statement can be frustrating for some. It’s certainly not my heart to dilute this discussion into a binary equation.

That said, the truth always bears repeating:

Just as God is infinite, so are the ways His power and grace can evince within His sovereignty.

Since God is perpetual love which covers everything from His omniscience to our purpose, we have every reason to trust that His perfect will…will…be done, not only when we’re tested, but especially so.

Put another way, God being mighty to save does not imply He will always save in accordance with our immediate best interest. Rather, the attribute speaks to God’s relentless pursuit of our hearts as One who saved and still saves today. At any given point, God is sowing within the tapestry of where our responsibility (to pray, abide, trust, etc.) and His sovereignty collide. And while it’s human to crave the majestic aspect here wonder working power is imminent, the origin is first and foremost internal. In this way, whether God allows an external match or withholds it, the result can go beyond us into tomorrow, the next and next door, and so forth.

In closing, I lift a victorious fist. Glory to God the road isn’t smooth sailing and compels us to come together amidst our discomfort. Glory to God the Scriptures can come alive as we depend on the Father the same Jesus modeled for us. And glory to God hope and compassion can spring to the forefront as we demonstrate truth to a decaying world.

Remember the earth is God’s footstool and it comes with daily prompts to look up and know He’s in control even our lives seem out of it.

‘Tis why we often say you got this and keep going. Even when the days are dark, He’ll keep the light on one way or another.

#Selah #noregrets …

Graphic creds: Desiring God

Mourning Glory: Hoping in the Midst of Grief (Part 3)

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For the first time in this series’ history, I’m writing a post to compliment parts 1 and 2 linked above. After encountering a revelation deluge during a sultry late summer run last weekend, I figured integrating these points into this episode made sense.

If you’re checking in for the first time, our goal with ‘Mourning Glory’ is to learn what the Bible says about grief and how to channel mourning into giving God all the glory. In many ways, these posts capture the journey Lys and I have been on this year. We hope these truths minister to your heart regardless of your circumstances.

1) Finding grief in the account of the 12 spies (Numbers 13)

Whether or not we realize it, there’s a piece of us internally during seasons of healing, recovery, and intense grieving looking to scout and assess where we are. Since we almost always need something to anticipate, our idea of ‘Promised Land’ generally becomes the ultimate source of hope (on earth edition). The million-dollar question is: What is our ‘Promised Land’ and how are we getting there?

To answer this question, we have to know what constitutes the giants in our life – what constitutes the Nephilim, and God’s role in the entire operation. For most, we’ve misappropriated our grief within the analogy. We think the giant in the room is the heartbreak, depression, whatever is causing us pain/hurt, etc. However, I submit…

Your pain isn’t the giant in the room. Perhaps an elephant but not a giant. The giant in the room is any toleration or stronghold that keeps us from pressing through…by faith – anything that keeps us stagnant as we walk through hell and/or keeps us from wrestling with God the way Jacob did with the man in Genesis 32. 

Put another way, the giants in our lives are tolerated strongholds/sins and negative behavior patterns we use as coping mechanisms and bartering tools to maintain any sense of satisfaction. Tangentially, wrestling with God is how we conquer them and should not be considered optional in our journey to the Promised Land.

Speaking of Promised Land, what is it in the grand scheme of grieving, mourning, and journeying through pain/suffering? I think for most, we assume this represents a graduation, the proof of having healed and moved on. The problem is: If we abide by this perspective, then we limit victory as only realized once we’ve crossed a ‘finish line’, even if it’s one we can’t define it.

If we’re to correct from this mindset, we have to adjust the past vs. participle dichotomy within our thinking. For instance, while many view breakthrough as a binary function (I.e. you’re healed or not healed, moved on or haven’t moved on), the truth is: 

We’ve already been set free and as such, can discover our new creation identity on top of our ‘loved by God’ identity day by day.

While the Word says we’ve been purchased at a price, this doesn’t mean we’re going to hit a point in this life when we’re officially complete. In the context of fullness, we’re never going to be complete. We’re never going to be perfect; however, we can still pursue it as being perfected (Matthew 5:48).

Why does this matter? Because we can live and heal without the burden of feeling far from an end goal when the goal is Jesus and He’s never far away!

God is everything and as such, can’t be detached from the Promised Land we’re seeking. Accordingly, don’t forsake or undermine His oasis presence as you journey but receive Who is He as what sustains you and maintains momentum. Walking with us through the valleys and shadows of life implies motion; however, we can’t self-effort that motion (and e-motion for that matter) in a way that leads to where we want to go. This is one of the main reasons why it took the Israelites 40 years to journey through the wilderness.

The Promised Land is multi-dimensional. Although you can experience a part of it through Christ alone, you may still feel far from victory, or should I say the evidence of victory (I.e. being around a group of people that have historically misunderstood you, being in the same space where at one point you experienced trauma in some capacity). Certainly, we can’t embrace strength and courage without abiding by the Spirit and trusting in God’s sovereignty.

For now, I encourage you not to make certain people and circumstances the enemy, as the giants in the room. They are not worth the negative empowerment at the cost of your distrust. Rather, if you want to view your grief as a race, bring God into every leg of it. If it’s a journey, bring Him along as if He’s in your backpack, fanny pack, whatever. The joy in walking with Jesus is you’re being changed, perfected, and nurtured day-by-day. God isn’t just at the finish line waiting for you. He’s with you through the grieving/mourning process ready to share fresh facets of His nature you couldn’t have known had you not gone through the pain, hardship, etc. Hence, why we should see suffering as a gift more than anything else. 

2) Finding grief in the account of Jacob’s wrestling with God (Genesis 32)

In this chapter, Jacob is looking for favor in the heat of stress and anxiety. Not only does he feel the betrayal from Laban, but the wrath from Esau, caught up in a bizarre series of deceptions with his life on the line. Like the griever, he’s desperate for assurance and blessing, the realization of comfort and God being for him, not against him. This sets the stage for the wrestling with ‘the man’ (v. 24 ), a beautiful picture of how we should cling to Jesus when we’re suffering and in some cases, grieving on the backend of loss.

Think about it: Jacob had everything to gain tackling His Lord. The cost set before him, he was determined to be take hold of his inheritance relative to his identity despite a side effect in the most literal sense. And it’s here where my imagination has been captured of late.

In the heat of the moment, despite his mourning and discomfort, Jacob never let go…not only to the glory of God but for the sake of never walking the same way again.

As Jacob portrays, wrestling with God is an intimate experience. While it can be uncomfortable, the reality of pain being a gift can triumph through rest knowing we have a default way to react when something goes wrong. I’m telling you, my friends, this is the power and significance of the limp and why we should embrace it as we journey in unity, contend in hope, and help others in need.

Just as we limp when a bone is out of joint to protect us from further damage, we limp when we lose a beloved person and/or experience a significant life change. While limps come in various shapes, sizes, and severities, when we grieve the right way, our inner man is declaring ‘I need Jesus’/’I need my brokenness aligned amidst a broken world‘ . Conversely, when we grieve the wrong way, we declare the injustice is with God Himself and/or the specific people and strongholds involved in the situation that may be fueling the grief.

Therefore, we can take joy when we consider our grief/mourning in the construct of Genesis 32 knowing pain can help us not only reach for Jesus, but see Him reflected in what we’re going through, our limp an always present reality keeping us humble and hopeful along the way. 

In closing, I charge you, brothers and sisters, to grieve in hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13) knowing…

And even if you feel you can’t, that’s okay. For in your weakness, He is strong and in your vulnerability shine all the more brightly through saints and providence alike. While more content on this topic will eventually follow, for now, as I always say in bidding adieu…

Selah.

Cover photo creds: Bing Wallpapers HD