3 Ways to Better Love Your Enemies

September 22, 2017January 30, 20211 Comment

Here’s a riddle for you: What’s something everyone has, the evidence of having stood up for something…yet also a byproduct of brokenness?

Give up? The answer…

…our enemies.

You know those people who curse you yet you’re supposed to bless…who hate you yet you’re supposed to love…

In many ways, we love to hate our enemies…to exact sweet revenge without the calories. But what if I told you while revenge is sweet, forgiveness is sweeter? What if I told you while enemies hurt, not loving them hurts even more?

Whatever the case, wherever you find yourself, if you want to better love your enemies, here are three truths to remember…

1. Understand who they are

When it comes to our enemies, it’s easy to hide behind the labels we place on them. Seriously, how many of you at one point had a sinking relationship you wanted to write off? Like mileage on taxes…or interest on a mortgage?

Granted, enemies come in many forms and yield to subjective definitions; still, if you’re like me, then chances are you know what it’s like standing on the mast of a shipwrecked relationship capsized by offense and insecurity. Perhaps now you’re drinking the bitter dregs of an expired friendship, a partner turned rival, or a severed family tie.

If so, I want to offer some hope: You don’t have to see your broken relationships as enemies!

But Cam, how is this even possible?

To be honest, I can’t say entirely. All I know is when it comes to better loving our enemies, the best place to start is choosing to see them how God sees them.

Now I know this is a sticky, tricky subject for some so with that, I want to tread this topic carefully. At the same time, I want to emphasize the importance of perceiving enemies as broken yet redeemable brothers and sisters in Christ.

‘Cause truth is…

When we contend for reconciliation, we ultimately redirect ‘enemy’ off a person’s identity and onto the principalities in between.

Therefore, if you want to better love your enemies, the first step is to accept the fact who you think they are isn’t who they are…and instead reframe ‘enemy’ as lovable people who you’ve hurt, who’ve hurt you, who’ve cut you out, who’ve accused or slandered you, etc.

Bottom line: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places.” Ephesians 6:12 (AMP)

2. Consider your ways

Now that we’ve framed who our enemies are, we can better discuss how to bridge our divides with them.

But before we dive in, let’s get one thing straight: Not all reconciliation stories are going to have happy endings. After all, when the lock is on the other side, obviously you’re not going to be able to unlock it.

That said, there’s no reason why you can’t knock at least once. The question is: How do we knock the right way at the right time?

For starters, it’s best to filter misunderstandings through vain imaginations before dashing to the doorstep. Ask yourself what is being assumed, what is the reason behind my suspicion, what signals and vibes am I giving off? Give yourself permission to self-examine.

Then after careful consideration, begin to rejoice and repent…

Ask the Lord to illuminate outstanding resentments, bitterness, and grudges.
Release to Him the burden of having to be the one to make things right.
Request of God a removal of fear, a prescription of peace, a path to follow, and a heart of humility.
Pray into what needs to be said and how it’s to be communicated.
Thank the Lord for all He’s done and what He’s going to do.

Remember these steps don’t entitle you to action, but rather position you to better know how to bridge the gap once given the green light. From there, it’s all downhill (i.e. embracing courage, walking in grace; see next point).

Bottom line: Before rushing to resolution, “humble yourselves…under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you.” ~ 1 Peter 5:6 (ESV)

3. Make love known

For this point, we’re going to assume you have the peace to confront; or as I like to say, make love known (not an agenda).

While intentionally loving your enemies can be intimidating, it can be all the more freeing when we recognize what is starts with:

- Love starts with courage. No question, loving in broken environments requires boldness; however, to be bold, we must choose courage from the onset. Accordingly, if you have faith in the source of love (i.e. God) and its message (i.e. the kingdom of God), then you have access with confidence and without hindrance into the places they’re needed the most (see Acts 28:31, Ephesians 3:12). Keep in mind you have what it takes so don’t be discouraged if it takes everything you’ve got.

- Love continues by faith. If your decision to love is motivated by results, then newsflash: It’s not love since love is not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:5). For if genuine love is to continue by faith, then you must die to your desire for favorable outcomes and progress. That way, when your effort is refuted or ignored, your desire to ‘try again’ will be renewed and you won’t take the rejection personally.

- Love advances with an invitation. When we boil it down, loving your enemies is God’s ministry of reconciliation in motion (see 2 Corinthians 5:11-21). Still, how we reconcile is worth discussion since if we’re to be “out of our mind”, when must do so in way that tells our adversaries “it is for you” (2 Corinthians 5:13). Hence, why love starts with courage, continues by faith, but advances through invitations where encouragement can be expressed.

In my experiences with adversaries/frenemies, I’ve learned the best way to mend fences is to be sensitive to what they’re experiencing and processing. As the past has taught me, if I can offer hope in the moment, chances are I can further extend it through invitations to connect later on. Even if it’s just a short e-mail or text, the impact of those ‘little’ things can only help establish reconciliation.

Bottom line: Regardless of how you make love known, know the same Christ who is in you is in your midst working on your behalf. Remember there’s no need to fear when you have nothing to lose.

“Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life. Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 (MSG)

Cover photo creds: Wallpaper Cave

3 Ways to Better Date Your Wife

September 5, 2017September 5, 2017Leave a comment

Guys…let’s be real: you love the lady in your life. You love her smile, the way she moves, how she wears it, makes it…I’m sure I could go on.

But let’s be honest: how well do you actually show it? Perhaps not as much as you’re capable of, right?

Well, fear not. If you’re here hoping to spice up your marital dating relationship or simply mature as a pursuer, I got you covered. Granted, I can only give you a head start in your quest for better connection, but hey…a boost is a boost and that’s, in part, why HGF exists.

That said, let’s dive in and discuss three ways we, as husbands, can better date our wives…

Date her, not the moment

As an adventure aficionado, I love a good time. Whether dinner and a movie, pizza in the park, or a concert on the green, it’s hard to top a night out with the ‘better half’.

Still, if you’re like me in the sense you take pride in being a skilled date night architect, then heed the reminder: a date is about the person you’re with, not the setting or seconds it happens in.

Not to suggest the man shouldn’t effort in laying down the proverbial red carpet. After all, dating and wooing should never be mutually exclusive; however, if you’re a guy who tends to pursue the moment more than the ‘so’ (significant other), it’s fair to question not only where your heart is anchored, but also who (or what) you’re actually dating.

My advice? Always remember while framing the moment is key, at the end of the day a) the woman is why you’re on the date in the first place, b) intimacy trumps entertainment, and c) it’s not about you.

Apply this formula in unison and I guarantee the moment will be where it needs to (i.e. secondary to the relationship).

Bottom line: 1) What makes a date is your date, not the date. 2) Don’t pursue what can’t pursue you back; instead, dare to align your focus and priorities on what ultimately lasts.

Make love a present rhythm

No question, time is a valuable commodity; hence, the reason ‘date’ (the engagement) shares the same word as ‘date’ (the occasion); however, have you ever wondered what would happen if the two dates became less synonymous?

For instance, if you’re on date wanting to ignite nostalgia into the moment, can you honestly say what you’re on is a ‘date’? Or are you simply trying to regurgitate a throwback to feel closer to ‘first love’?

And hear me, men: I’m not trying to gut punch your moxy here. I’m just sayin’ for those who may be in the routine of dating as opposed to the rhythm, it’s worth exercising caution when comparing the current edition of your ‘better half’ to the edition you first met. ‘Cause truth is: your wife isn’t who she used to be…and the love you’ve built isn’t what it used to be. Rather, both are continually upgrading on account of precious time and energy being invested into a deeper connection fermenting with time.

Therefore, if you can resist the comparisons, then chances are you’ll be in much better position to revive love in the present, not an outdated version from years past.

Bottom line: 1) The best way to ‘carpe diem’ your date starts with sparking love where it’s at, not where it’s been. 2) Be in the rhythm, not routine, of dating your wife.

Make her the center of attention

While I may seem like a ‘hitch’ for dating, I admit there are times I [almost] take the opportunity for granted.

Yet, whenever I’m lucky fortunate enough to catch myself, I’ve learned the best adjustment is to find my wife within my attention and make her the center.

To do this, I subscribe to the following formula…

Turn off your cell phone. Note: If you’re more controlled than I am, you can get away with silencing, but as one who likes to check scores, fantasy teams, social media post-‘post’, etc…I’ve learned it’s better/safer to go the extra yard here).

Sit back turned to screens. Exception: Your wife has agreed to join you on a Buffalo Wild Wings date to watch the Predators, Titans (or the team of your choice) dominate.

Seek a new compliment and/or question. Guys, if you can relate to point #2, then you’re going to want to deviate from distraction in a way that blends creativity with challenge. For me, this comes in the form of asking, ‘What’s new’ without actually saying ‘what’s new’.

Examples:

a) ‘I noticed you talking with ____ on the phone earlier? How did your conservation go? What did you talk about?’ (Note: Don’t EVER stop a thread after one question. See how the second question gives dialogue more trail options?)

b) ‘I noticed the casserole tasted different. What extra ingredient did you use? Whatever it was, I liked it!’ (Note: Some may consider ‘different’ to be a dangerous word; however, if you use it, make sure the connotation is positive. Yes, you could say ‘better’, but in case her reply is, ‘What was wrong with it before?’…make sure you have an answer ready).

c) ‘How was your admin tech meeting?’ What did your team talk about?

d) ‘If I remember correctly, you had a lunch date today with _____’ (repeat ‘a’ in follow-up)

e) Plan a future getaway and inquire bucket-list activities while also linking them to adventures of old (i.e. did you ever do this as a family back in the day; great way to blend past, present, and future together).

Bottom line: Regardless of what route you choose, remember a) whenever you give authentic inquisition and humility permission to dig, you ultimately discover places within your spouse you didn’t realize were there, b) your wife is a tome, not a spark note…thus why not read every word of every page as opposed to just skimming, and c) as husbands, we were made to reflect perfect love in perfecting fashion…which can’t happen unless we make it known.

So what are we waiting for? Let’s show our wives what they were made to be shown…and relish the time we have to be a part of something bigger than ourselves.

Stay tuned next time for Lyssah‘s installment on how wives can better relate and connect to their husbands.

Cover photo creds: Mental Floss

3 Keys to Communicating Vision

July 30, 2017July 30, 20173 Comments

When it comes to quality leadership, no question, one of the hardest challenges is communicating vision (i.e. important information necessary for growth and progress). From filtering content to personal interaction, the marriage of progress to relationship can be a messy process. Thankfully, where there’s a will, there’s a way, even if it doesn’t happen the way we want or when we want.

That said…here are three keys to communicating vision effectively…

Say What You Need to Say

When casting vision, it’s important to remember conciseness is more valuable than eloquence. After all, a platform should never be about exposing what you know (i.e. show off), but rather what your audience needs to know (i.e. show how)…which brings me to my first point:

When communicating what an audience needs to know, start with what you need to say first.

More specifically, don’t just filter your content; break it down into lucid, bite-sized bits. That way, you can better discern what is necessary and what is footnote material before you communicate.

For instance, as a wordsmith in youth ministry, I’ve learned my best points, whether delivering a sermon or leading a team meeting, are best received when they lack syntactic ambiguity. In other words, when I use words and phrases that don’t mean different things to different people, not only do I enable my content to be coherent, but I empower my students to interpret it the way it was intended.

Bottom line: Vision doesn’t just point people in the right direction (i.e. makes it plain; see Romans 1:19), it shows them how to get there (bonus points if you include illustrations). Therefore, if you want your audience to capture the vision, make sure you say what you need to say and what your audience needs to hear, not what you want to say or what they think they want to hear.

Speak the Truth in Love

Yeah, yeah…you get this in theory, but if you’re like me in the sense this doesn’t come as easy in execution, remember you may be in a time crunch, you may have a lot on your plate; however, if you’re not communicating truth in love along the way, not only do you risk a discouraged team, but a disjointed vision split from purpose.

To piggy-back off point #1: what you need to say can’t be what you need to say if love isn’t a part of it. Sure, you may be brimming with epiphanies and award-winning ideas, but if vision isn’t vision without truth and truth isn’t truth without love, then vision can’t be vision detached from best intention.

Remember vision not only seeks the best possible corporate outcome, but inspires love among its enforcers. Thus, if you aim to love, not only will team morale enhance, but the bond between vision and audience will tighten as well.

Bottom line: 1) Without love, vision is nothing more than a good idea. 2) Vision, in the context of love, motivates people to keep pursuing it. 3) If you know the truth, speak it in love; if you don’t, love as you pursue it. Either way, it’s a win-win.

Make it Memorable

While vision, at its core, is the mergence of point #1 and #2, if it lacks conviction or captivation, chances are it’s not memorable either. Granted, truth should never be a function of marketability; however, while good vision knows its audience, great vision considers what they’ll remember.

Hence, it’s worth asking: how do you take an entire vision and frame it into something that’s easy to remember and hard to forget?

For starters, it’s always best to keep it simple and straightforward. Focus on syntax and word selection. Use correct grammar. Be exact in meaning. Then, if necessary, add some flair and poetic license (i.e. turn it into a jingle, structure it ABC style, pose it with rhyme scheme, integrate a relatable metaphor/simile, etc.) Whatever method you apply, remember the goal is to make sure your audience can extend the vision. While making vision plain may seem contrary to making it memorable, if you consider ‘plain’ as the foundation, it will ultimately enable you to build your vision in a way people can understand and promote.

Bottom line: When vision becomes memorable, the impacts become inevitable.

Photo creds: Trendy Bloggers, Giphy

Integrating Ministry & Marketplace: 2 Big Lies about Spiritual Gifts

May 24, 2016August 19, 20161 Comment

So lately I’ve been pondering the divide between vocational and marketplace ministry, specifically its relationship to spiritual gifts.

‘Cause I’ll be honest: I don’t get the chasm…the compartmentalization among these facets.

I mean…it’s not like the seven spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12, Romans 12) were ever meant to be exclusive to pastoral leaders or limited to “inside church use” only. Certainly the church would have the common sense to teach/preach the seven motivational gifts (the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit) as gifts designed for everyone to apply anywhere…right?

*Crickets* *Crickets*

Oh snap, did I just stumble into a white elephant?

Eh, maybe I did. But still…this needs to be talked about. After all, if we desire to be the opposite of what Paul warned about in 1 Corinthians 12:1 (i.e. misinformed), it only makes sense to buckle up and dive into the issue.

But before we do, permit me to provide some context.

In my experience, the abuse of ‘spiritual gift teaching’ falls into two primary camps:

The notion that spiritual gift development can only happen in the church.
The notion that spiritual gift application can only happen in the church.

Granted, I know there are more categories, but for now, we’ll narrow our focus on these two criteria in hope to debunk some faulty doctrine.

Lie 1: Spiritual gift development can only happen in the church.

I’m not sure how this deception started, but no question, the legalistic undertones are evident considering it assumes a) life should be nothing more than the work of the ministry¹, b) business matters are inherently evil because man is inherently evil, and c) the marketplace is a byproduct of the fall; however, when we look at Adam/Eve’s original design, we find the marketplace and the establishment of institutional order to be a byproduct of creation. After all, when God created man, He also created his role…and considered it good (Genesis 1:26-31)

Thus, it’s important to note how the garden was just as much marketplace as it was ministry…and why it’s dangerous to compare and contrast ministry and marketplace as segregated entities. ‘Cause truth is: we may experience spiritual gift activation in the church; however, this doesn’t mean development can’t happen outside it given God is a God of grace, has the loving power to ignite one’s heart anytime, anywhere, and intended pursuing love and earnestly desiring spiritual gifts to go hand in hand (1 Corinthians 14:1).

Bottom line: The reality of love and the truth of creation give credence to spiritual gift development happening anywhere, not just the church.

Lie 2: Spiritual gift application can only happen in the church.

Dare I say it…this one may be even more baffling than the first. Again, the church was meant to equip and mobilize, not centralize and maintain. So why anyone would think the church was designed to be an entertainment hub as opposed to a stewarding/dispersion center is beyond me, especially when you consider the purpose of church is to worship God through word and prayer, to love one another, partake of baptism and the Lord’s Supper…and oh, yeah…go therefore and make [disciple-makers] (Acts 2:42).

Yes, learning how to apply and mature our spiritual gifts in a koinonia (Greek for fellowship, sharing in common) setting is essential; however, if such demonstration is limited to “in-house”, can we honestly say the our faith is reaching where it needs to?

Bottom line: Spiritual gifts are meant to be shared as salt and light with the world, not stashed as inventory in the secret basements of what we call church. Thus, if what we believe reduces spiritual gifts to an iPhone and church as a charging port, I strongly encourage you: shift your paradigm…and dare to apply/extend what you experience in church to other places of influence.

Looking ahead to next month, expect a more intimate dig into what pastoral ministry in the marketplace looks like (with a more defined emphasis on how to rightfully use spiritual gifts in our areas of business)…with a subsequent series on what marketplace ministry looks like in the church later on.

For now, if any of this content resonates, feel free to comment below. And as always, if you have a prayer request/praise report, there’s a place for that on His Girl Fryday.

Blessings on your week,

~ Cameron

Footnotes

1) More specifically…”ministry as ministry”

Photo creds: Shutterstock (edited by Cameron Fry)ly

Purifying our Priorities (Part 1)

January 14, 2016January 26, 20161 Comment

Well, folks…it’s that time of year again.

HR Block is heating up its campaign…
Companies are sending out their W-2/1099’s…
TV’s are going on sale’
…and New Year resolutions are officially underway².

After all, ’tis the season to be better, right? To start afresh and anew…and to grab change by the horns…

But perhaps you’re like me in the sense you wonder how many really know how to do this…or maybe you’re hesitant…afraid of prematurely falling off the resolution bandwagon.

Whatever the case, it’s important we get real about the type of world we live in. ‘Cause when we take a good, hard look into the deep, dark crevices of our culture, we find we’ve grown too content taking matters into our own hands…yet too passive in carrying them out…

…a paradoxical attribute of a society that constantly suggests having a heartfelt desire is “good enough”.

Not that “heartfelt desires” are bad; by all means, we were created to have them.

I’m just saying if we truly want to reach the next level (in any phase of life), it doesn’t make sense to be self-reliant, given the human tendency to fall short and mishandle change. Conversely, if we want to see growth become a permanent reality in our life, we not only have to accept the existence of a higher alternative, but we must be willing to depend on it as a supreme solution that exists (and only exists) in God Himself.

All that said… How do we turn our heartfelt desires, the seeds God’s plants within us, into lasting realities? How do we change from the inside out in a way that takes deep root within?

Before we can answer these questions with a customized five-point self-improvement series3, I submit we must first be willing to purify our priorities…

…which can only happen when we become intentional in spending time with God.

But first..what exactly is a “priority”?

According to the Random House Websters Dictionary...

A priority is “something that’s regarded as more important…a right to precede above in rank, privilege, etc. …
…and “to prioritize” is a process by which we arrange, particularly in order of importance, relevance, value, etc.

Thus, when we consider what a priority is…and apply it to morality…our faith, we ultimately discover the importance of recognizing God’s priorities for our life.

Take Philippians 1, for instance, where in verses 9-10, Paul prays for the Philippians’ love to abound all the more so they could better discern and approve the things that are excellent4.

Essentially, Paul is saying: if you’re feeling overcommitted, overloaded, overwhelmed…if you’re mired in apathy, confusion, striving…or simply trying to decide what is best, what’s best for your spiritual well-being…and those around you…the answer is simple: love at all costs!

‘Cause at the end of the day, we all need Jesus in the middle of our everything…not only so we can conquer the burdens of life…but so we can love better in every circumstance (hence Paul’s use of the word “abound”).

My thought is: let’s be unified in seeking first the Kingdom (Matthew 6:33) together…in being fervent in loving one another (1 Peter 4:8; Colossians 3:14)…so we may…

Better identify what’s most important in our own life…
Better concentrate on the relationships God has called us to…
Be quicker in our humble obedience…
Be more available to God, our family, those God has called us to be around…
Use time more effectively, including family and ministry time (and not sacrificing one for the other)…

…all the while being Spirit-led everywhere in between.

Stay tuned next time for “part 2” of this series, where I’ll discuss a couple practical pointers on how we can better engage God in our midst and live transformationally in 2016.

Footnotes

1) In prep for the Super Bowl

2) Take a good, hard look at gym attendance…and you’ll see what I mean

3) Granted, this is a popular trend this time of year

4) I don’t know about you, but I love this association, specifically how Paul links “the greatest gift of all” (i.e. “love”) to our call to judge righteously.

Photo creds: lightwork.typepad.com, quotesgram.com, indy.shine.fm