Autside Looking In: Dealing with the Spectrum and Grief at Work

So, this isn’t a newsflash, but I’ll go ahead and say it anyway.

I’m an autistic adult who’s lost a kid yet believes in his story. While there’s a lot I don’t know, I know a lot about things I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, from holding a child taking her last breath to being unfairly labeled in school for lacking social cues, and at past jobs for having neurodivergent tendencies.

Not to suggest I’m a victim or anything. I’m just different, perhaps a little anomalous, and that’s okay. Honestly, the world needs more people who are content and confident in their uniqueness, in how they see and understand the world around them.

Yet, as for why I’m writing this, consider it a call for corporate introspection, from churches and counseling centers to employers across the country. No matter what organizational structure is employed, there must be support for spectrum people as well as those who are struggling with trauma and loss. In our interactions with colleagues, providers, subordinates, and those in our household, we must not only prioritize grace, compassion, and understanding in our dealings but also make additional room for them with certain people in specific situations.

The reason is simple: While every day is a gift, it can also feel like a burden for the one walking through complexities they can’t understand. Are we actively thinking of ways to steward psychological safety in our workplaces, to share requests and concerns? Are we screening people at strategic junctures to know what their accommodations should be? Are we seeking to understand the ‘why’ behind select needs, tools, and outputs? Are we willing to learn more about what doesn’t directly apply to us but applies to those on our team, from the cubicle peer next door to the prospect who could be the missing link to our company’s next big thing?

Again, I’m not looking to force conviction, but stir some questions for thought. Are we, as influencers and leaders with varying degrees of authority, considering ways we can facilitate healthy environments for those who may struggle to regulate on overwhelming, high-pressure days? Are we contributing our availability and wisdom to potentially detrimental dynamics? Are we being bold to sow life while being emotionally sensitive to those who could use a piece of our positivity, perspective, or direction?

Whatever your answers are, I’m not entitled to know, though I will say this in closing. Dare to care enough to know when an unjust tag is applied, when bias is infiltrating a pride-centric culture where hurting and/or neurodiverse people are somehow inferior. In all we say and do, let’s keep our hearts intact, our protocols fine-tuned, and our attitudes open to adjustments.

Fall Down 7, Get Up 8: A SOAP Bible Study on Proverbs 24

Scripture: Proverbs 24:16 – “For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.”

Prelude: Recently, I was reminded of a late 2000s NBA commercial in which Dwyane Wade collapses to the parquet multiple times over the course of his career. After a montage of tumbles, a new series unfolds in which he rises from each fall before the screen goes to black… 

Coincidently, this connects to a separate memory last decade. Remember the 2017 NAACP Image Awards when Denzel Washington delivered one of his most iconic speeches? 

Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” 

…still gives me chills to this day.

Understandably, many cite this line as a Japanese proverb with a credit to celebrity enlightenment; however, in reality, its true source is the Word of God; hence, this SOAP Bible study in which we will dissect the contrast in greater detail.

As always, let’s dive in…

Observations: In a vacuum, this verse compares the resilience of the righteous to the cowardice of the wicked. Both sides face setbacks and challenges, but only one perseveres through them. While some assume this verse suggests adversity comes to the unwise, the reality is that calamity finds all of us at one point or another. The key is how we respond and endure the way God intended. 

As mentioned in a recent post, even good people fail sometimes, especially as they face new challenges and situations beyond their ability to handle. Humility applied, we must understand these circumstances are not the product of poor character, but a part of God’s plan to develop it. In what we say and do, are we willing to rely on God’s guidance in the fullness of faith and integrity? If not, we will inevitably succumb to stubbornness and disbelief as the trials undo us.

Symbolically, the number seven is used here to emphasize completion and perfection, as God’s grace empowers the righteous to suffer through their failures. Granted, man, in his finiteness, may be ‘one and done’ on certain matters; however, since God sees the entire picture, we can trust that in HIs faithfulness, He will give us multiple opportunities to clear our hurdles. How sweet it is knowing we can live from victory as we wrestle with and for God!

Following v. 16, we find a subsequent call in v. 17-18:

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the Lord see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him.”

As people redeemed by faith through the Cross, this charge cannot be understated. While our flesh may snicker at karma and the kind of justice that enhances our ego, we must never rejoice when others fall and can’t get up. If anything, we should intercede and consider our options to help. Even if we can’t directly intervene, we can pray for a person whose peace is in peril and build a broken brother up from a place of boundary.

Applications: Although chaos and conflict are unavoidable in this life, God is the one true constant through it all. When tough times come, we can rest knowing there’s a vertical response with our name on it. To those feeling God is leading you through a desert or wilderness right now, remember how God used Joseph in the Old Testament (Genesis 39) and Paul in the New Testament (2 Corinthians 1:8-10). You may feel lost in the hole or bind you’re currently in, but this could be part of a grander setup in which God is equipping your heart to reach a promise and purpose He has ordained for you. 

Bottom line: God never fails and has the power to restore our confidence and redeem our failures. Although setbacks will come, as long as we fix our eyes on Jesus and follow His lead one step at a time, God will not only forgive us but also bring us to completion according to His Word (Philippians 1:6). Why not let Him be the fall back you crave when all hope seems lost? 

Prayer:

God, we turn and align to you in this moment. We thank you for being a merciful, faithful God in whom we can trust. Father, as I write this, I think about those in dry valleys, surrounded by bones, needing a spark. As men and women fallen in sin, we confess our need for a Savior, who through His strength and sovereignty, provides the tools and opportunities necessary to rise above the obstacles of life. For those wresting in guilt and shame, for those who feel defeated for not having passed a specific test, we speak peace, grace, truth, and love to their hearts and minds today. May they find you in the wake of their desperation, for others, in the midst of their course-correcting. In our frailty, we admit our limited perspective, our tendency to get way ahead or woefully behind you. Though the ways to faith derailment are many, we choose to lean on your understanding, to follow the prompting of your Holy Spirit, and to press into you with all that is within us. Bless your holy name. Come alive within us. Help us not to give up and give in but as Psalm 57:1 says, lead us from failure’s shadow in and under the shadow of your wings. Amen.

Cover graphic creds: Redbubble

Healing Declared: A SOAP Study on Luke 13:10-17

**New excerpt from Juju’s book…**

In Luke 13:10-17, Jesus is teaching in the synagogue on the Sabbath when he notices a woman with a disabling spirit. As she totters through the temple gates, Jesus calls the woman over, confirms her restoration, and heals her condition. No longer crooked, she glorifies God and prompts Jesus to criticize the religious leaders for their lack of compassion.

Digging into this summary, we find meaningful implications, especially where sickness and infirmity dwell. For starters, we must not deny those around us who are poor in spirit and health, desperate for Jesus in a way that extends past their margins.

As a NICU alum, I can boldly testify to this. Every day during Juju’s life, Lys and I entered a larger-than-life mystery box, a stream of unknowns where anything could happen. From what we experienced, the emotional highways were unending from dead-end hopelessness to confounding crossroads. In each situation, parents, like the crooked woman, were searching for anything their hope could cling to – comfort, healing, answers, you name it!

Yet, as challenging as that season was, the contrast in processing helped us understand the power within the presence of God. While there were moments when we sought the Lord because there was no other way, there were other times we sensed his call and responded accordingly. So, it was with our protagonist in Luke 13, who not only personified what it meant to be in the right place at the right time but saw her affliction as a catalyst for intervention.

Examining the woman’s transformation, we find some notable takeaways, particularly in v. 10-13, during which Jesus orchestrates his miracle:

1. In v. 10, Jesus sees the woman even though he was already teaching in the synagogue.
2. At the start of v. 12, he calls her over instead of continuing with his message.
3. By the end of v. 12, he declares her freedom before healing her disability.

While circumstantial at the surface, we can behold the intentionality within this order when we assess similar healings in the Gospels. Like the bent woman, Jesus repeatedly modeled his heart alongside his power, relating to the context of suffering even before his presence was recognized. This poses a powerful thought:

To the extent our faith activates when we sense God’s presence, it also stirs when we hear His voice. Like gravity, His Word summons the innermost part of our being in a way that compels us to move in his direction.

No wonder the woman had no issue journeying to Jesus. the joy set before her resonating with the joy set before him.

Upon her arrival, note how Jesus reacts: He doesn’t immediately remove the woman’s iniquity but proclaims her victory! Again, this subtle progression is profound. Though some might question why Jesus would call his shot, the purpose behind his declaration wasn’t to simply highlight his divinity but to deliver salvation while proving his love. Had the purity behind the action lacked, the woman’s response may have reflected differently. But like many before her who battled long-lasting crippling ailments, the outflow of praise rode on the heels of the expectancy. In the end, it was all about Jesus, religious and wishful sentiments be da*rned.

For the griever and/or loved one stuck in the hospital, while our prayers have power and purpose, what we voice as expressions of hope yields the truth of who God is and what he wills from his nature. Ultimately, God is going to finish the good work he started in you (Philippians 1:6) as heaven meets earth in wonder-working fashion (Matthew 6:10). True, we will never have all the answers as to why we must endure in specific ways; however, when we remember how Jesus made space to heal a woman in the middle of a sermon on a day His Father set apart for rest, we can draw encouragement knowing God is always for us, even during the darkest and craziest of days.

Prayer: β€œJesus, you told your followers, β€˜Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, so believe in Me as well. Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives,’ (John 14:1, 27). We confess we need your peace, the peace of God, which transcends all understanding’ (Philippians 4:7) to guard our hearts and minds. We humbly come before you with our weary hearts and pray that you continue to show us fresh levels of love and grace as we go through this season of sorrow and transition. Help us to find peace in your presence. Wipe our tears, Lord, and carry us through this season of mourning and deep sadness. Help us to trust in your unfailing love and to fix our eyes on you, Jesus. As we lift our worries to you, we humbly ask that you lift up our hearts from what may overwhelm us. May your presence bring us joy and comfort as we embark on this journey of healing with you. In your most holy name, we pray. Amen.”

Cover photo creds: Sunflower Seeds

Real-Life Habits: A Practical Example to Transform Your Life

Written 11/26/24 for our latest MercyTalk podcast…

Back in April 2018, four months removed from a seven-year youth pastor assignment, I had a revelation that produced a habit I still practice to this day.  As a state employee working in a stale environment, I sensed my walk with the Lord was starting to wane. For so long, motivation and inspiration overflowed naturally courtesy of 50 students and an opportunity to mature leadership in a liturgical setting; however, once I released the calling, I realized how much of my identity had become baked into my influence. Without youth in my life, I felt lost. Apart from my family, there was little to no accountability to guide my relationship with Jesus. Needing a spark, I knew my internal compass needed a reset.

So, I decided I would not only have daily quiet times during each morning commute but record them on my iPhone. With my weekly commutes averaging out to 6.5 hours, I figured I might as well talk and pray with God as I battle the banes of Nashville traffic. The decision turned out to be a game-changer as not only did the practice settle my spirit each day before work but allowed me to hear the mix of truth and lies roaming within. On some days, conviction came by declaring God’s Word out into the open; on others, I found grace simply in coming to Jesus as I was. In either case, my quiet time commutes were my happy hours during which I took thoughts captive and replaced them with holy perspective.

Fast-forward to October 2022 and I’m a month removed from losing my daughter, Jubilee, who took her last breath in my lap after a 393-day fight with chronic lung disease. For weeks I had been stone cold, flooding the pavement with tears during my workouts. Yet, everywhere else, the frozen numbness of grief had overtaken me. That’s when I returned to the practice of recording my quiet times on drives to work. During Jubilee’s life, the habit had faded to back-burner status through all the hustle and bustle. While there were times before Juju’s death when I felt as if I was walking on water, I sensed the sinking heading into 2023. If there ever was a time to rekindle the rhythm, this was it.

Like five years prior, I found myself pressing the red record button in my Audio app more frequently. With vulnerability on blast, there was never an intention of sharing the files with anyone. I simply needed to feel a connection with God, to feel His presence and listening ear calming the choppy waters of my soul. Occasionally, I would stumble upon an β€˜ah ha’ moment, an epiphany with content-creating potential; however, the end goal was always to make room for God to invade my space and to catch Him doing it so I wouldn’t forget.

Having reached 400 records as of 11/20/2024, I can confidently say this habit has proven effective in stabilizing my mind, emotions, and walk with God all in one swoop. I especially recommend the practice for those in seasons of chaos in which they want to declutter or β€˜spring clean’ their heart to hear the Shepherd’s voice more clearly.

Cover photo creds: Medium

Beauty in Chaos: The Joy of Faith in Crisis

A fresh cut from Juju’s book…

We’re a people designed to hope, for hope. Take hope away and what are you left with? Depression, anxiety, disorder, death? How about complacency within our anguish yielding a life without a pulse, left to its own devices? Sounds bleak, right?

Sometimes, I wonder why people can’t comprehend the source of their innate capabilities and wirings. Even in my best attempts to exude compassion, I occasionally scratch my head, curious as to how man thinks he can find inspiration without looking up and humbly breaking. As chaos compels, the initial beauty in crisis is the prioritization and focus it compels our attention to what truly matters. But there has to be more than such wholistic reconfiguration, specifically an alignment between what fuels and drives us.

During my time in the NICU, I experienced firsthand how God is faithful in meeting us in our darkest places. Amidst the despair around me, I learned to a higher degree how God doesn’t wait aimlessly from the sidelines to engage but eagerly pursues us. The intentionality behind this mode of love as received in suffering has transcendent repercussions. For one thing…

Relying on God not only strengthens our sensitivity to His nearness but also stirs us to scale our suffering to the point we feel empowered to help others keep going.

Oftentimes, in pressure-cooker situations, life moves fast and we miss God and divine opportunities on account of our surviving. Understandably, many surf the wave of sorrow simply trying to ride it without crashing and burning. Yet, if we want to feel like we’re doing more than just keeping our head above the water, we must embrace our response to setbacks as a central way to witness the heart of the Gospel.

The truth is, my dream for anyone, regardless of faith, philosophy, and orientation, is to embrace God’s love, especially in the context of vertical reliance. Yes, community and self-care are vital as part of the endurance equation. Lord knows there are enough TikToks and Shorts concerning the topics. But by itself, all the content in the world cannot produce the perseverance that leads to character that leads to hope. A key testament to our flesh is the desire we have for lookaheads, which can be innocent enough; however, if we value change and breakthrough, we must perceive look-ups as their pre-requisite. After all, if what we long for is not something we can depend on for life, goodness, or the reproduction of anything worthwhile, then it must be contained within boundaries and moderation. Frankly, I don’t want my trust to be based on what is conditional and fleeting; granted, I’ve exhausted the alternatives enough to know the reason I live is the core of anything I could ever need or want.

But to those who haven’t checked down accordingly, the believer is most like Jesus when grace is contagious as much as it is evident. As Juju helped me realize, I’m not fully salted if I’m not putting myself in a position to be regularly seasoned. Why did Lys and I encounter a faith boost during the 2021-22 campaign? In a few words, because our trips to the faucet were far more frequent! So even as we struggled, our thirst was quenched more regularly than ever before. Consequently, we recognized the importance of overflow and how powerful it is when we’re looking up along the way.

Whether or not you can relate directly is secondary to the same God who will surely empower, equip, and encourage you to receive from Him as you experience Him during life’s greatest challenges. For β€œHe knows the way that [you should] take; when He has tested [you], [you] shall come out like gold. [Your] foot held fast to his steps [because you did not turn] aside.” ~ Job 23:10-11 (ESV)

Selah.

Cover photo creds: LinkedIn