Category: Life

Fall Forward: A Posture for This Season

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It’s been a weird month. One of those in which much could be said but…

For Lys and I, we’re exiting a pronounced stretch of remembrance. By now, each year feels more like clockwork with a grief uptick during the dog days only to lift by the fall equinox. Even now, I sense the heaviness dissipating. Lord knows He’s given me and my family plenty of reason to keep going.

Yet, taking a corporate temperature, I can’t help but wonder if our present peace is set to stun mode. Restless nights have picked up for some, for others, the fatigue of the unknown (i.e. what to do next, how to respond now, etc.). Of course, there are those, who may be weary with their former toil. Probably a combination of ‘all of the above’, if we’re perfectly honest.

I know for me, there’s been much I’ve needed to release of late – the weight of carrying past positives into the present, the hope of connection and reconciliation in certain situations, the right for my right calls to be seen. Sometimes, it’s hard to make sense of the burdens we desperately want to flush out. Thankfully, as complex as our knots may be, the opportunity to surrender them is anything but.

Take last Tuesday for instance. Sitting on my front step, I started to go down a familiar rabbit hole, the one in which I try to make sense of where I’ve been and where I’m going. But unlike other episodes, I hit a point of exhale earlier in the process. Maybe it was the lower humidity and refreshing air mass. Perhaps I was giddy from just setting up some fall decor. Either way, I looked down the street from my porch on a hill and with what seemed like misplaced contentment, started to empty myself in the moment.

Then, after a few minutes, something bizarre happened: I began to shiver…in 75 degrees, calm winds, and a setting sun to my right. Suddenly, I needed a second layer and a flip to 1 Corinthians 2. With disrupted thermodynamics, I dug in.

In his letter, Paul confirms his posture in v. 2-3 (AMP):

“I made the decision to know nothing [to forego philosophical or theological discussions regarding inconsequential things and opinions while] among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified [and the meaning of His redemptive, substitutionary death and His resurrection]. I came to you in weakness, fear, and great trembling. And my message…[was] not in persuasive words of clever rhetoric but delivered in demonstration of the Spirit operating through me and of His power stirring the minds…so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.”

Relating and resonating, I kept on.

“For what person knows the thoughts and motives of a man except the man’s spirit within him? So also no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know and understand the wonderful things freely given to us by God. We also speak of these things, not in words taught or supplied by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining and interpreting spiritual thoughts with spiritual words for those being guided by the Holy Spirit” (v. 11-13, AMP).

Now, I’m not the savviest theologian; however, I’m confident when in doubt, in trouble, and/or in pain, the best response is to invite God in by making room for the Cross. In doing this, we position ourselves to be overwhelmed by the power of the Spirit, a move we cannot conjure or manufacture. Far too often, we’re consumed by our own capacities when we must remember there’s no capacity for what matters without the Spirit. We may crave daily bread, but we cannot receive it without pure vertical reliance in which we declare our substitutions, replacing worldly guesses and opinions with God’s Word. Every day, we must be mindful of the exchanges we’re called to make, especially if we long to process through clear channels; hence, why this chapter is so enriching. By God’s Spirit, the depth we were designed with has access, not just a channel but an invitation to know what He’s thinking, at least bits and pieces.

My encouragement to you, friends: Let the Spirit bridge the Cross’ wake to your present circumstances and fall forward. As challenging as your immediate may be, simplicity can still be found in moments of surrender. For in the power of God’s Spirit, we can know Christ and Christ crucified more intimately as we breathe, live, move, and have our being (Acts 17:28). The more we mature in this mindset, the more we will experience this as a sweet reality from our personal walks to corporate communions.

As for what keeps us from standing together, praying with/for one another, and sharing with one another, may we be willing to put them all on the altar as we lay down our dreams, agendas, weapons, all the way down to our revisionist fantasies. In all that we do, may we embrace and rediscover the joy of holy dependency.

After all, a new season dawns. May it be one in which we let go and let God all the more.

Graphic creds: Shutterstock

Road to Healing: Why Even in Pain, There’s Still Jubilee

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It’s been three years to the day since Juju’s death.

For better and worse, Lys and I haven’t been the same since that fateful day. While grief intensity has lessened, life still feels like a tightrope. One false step and we’re praying for a safety net, just trying to survive – like when Juju was alive only without the hope of tomorrow. If only I were better at patience, maybe this whole waiting thing would be easier.

As Juju proved during her NICU tenure, progression and regression aren’t always mutually exclusive. At times within her fragile body, one element was improving while another was degrading. Her recovery and, at times, lack thereof, was anything but a linear wave. Like life itself, her journey was a winding roller coaster with unexpected turns and unprecedented breakthroughs. Her butterfly tattoo on my heart, not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and consider the glory of what she constantly experiences.

Yet, though the tears have remained mostly at bay the past year, there’s still a temptation to anger. God, why didn’t you somehow, someway cap her suffering? If you knew she was going to barely make it past a year, why defer the inevitable?

In most cases, I can convert those ‘whys’ into ‘look what God did’ and carry on. Where I stumble is the next level down: God, why aren’t people more naturally geared towards the broken-hearted? Why does the silence sometimes increase when it needs to decrease? In the shadows, you were there after Juju’s death. What about those who may not even be able to find you at all? What about them?

These questions have been raised before, and they’ll be raised again. Until the answers come, I, along with the rest of us, must settle in Christ (1 Peter 5:10; Colossians 2:6-7). For those who have lost a child, we don’t have any other option. At day’s end, everyone has a call to embrace their suffering and ditch their baggage. No exceptions. I know for me, sometimes I get into trouble tolerating the baggage while trying to ditch the suffering in a quest to find meaning in pain; however, in times of reset, I catch myself in the striving and commit my ways to God whether I feel like it. It’s hard as heck, don’t get me wrong. I just know as low as I feel sometimes, I’m only hindering my perspective when I punt prayer and vertical reliance.

I love how Paul opens Colossians 3:1: “Therefore if you have been raised with Christ, keep seeking the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”

For starters, the chapter unpacks our ‘new self’ identity as a garment we can wear regardless of the day. But even more promising, we’re reminded in the intro how we’ve been raised with Christ to a new life, sharing in His resurrection from the dead. In a weird way, this hits home even more so these days. Even when I feel dead on the inside, somehow, I know I’m that much closer to the type of life I crave. Among all the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God is also my daughter. Your son. His grandson. Her granddaughter. Their mother, their father, our friend, etc.

The way God’s lap is designed, there is always a comfort and rest to draw from, even if it’s simply His presence and nothing more.

The problem is we’re not often content with the safety of God’s nearness because we’re dissatisfied with the security of it. Our kid passed away, so we doubt if God is who says He is. If God is a God of love, then why didn’t His sovereignty meet my faith in the middle? If God has the capability, why didn’t His power take pity on a soul that could have done wonders for Him if given the opportunity?

While I’m not condoning this as the correct posture to take, admittingly, this is a popular contention bereaved parents wrestle through. We desire the improbable; we believe in the impossible. We just wish it could have looked a certain way. And that’s okay…assuming we regularly surrender our grief, anxiety, fear, and anger. As Juju reminds us, there’s beauty to be found in the ashes of our sorrow, especially when we reframe our perspective to see a life well fought as an altar pointing people to Jesus. Our lives may always sound like a sad song, but that doesn’t mean what other people hear is the same tenor.

Trust me, life has been brutal, dare I say, savage, this decade. Despite the positive turn in recent years, my debates with God are still on the regular.

Dear Lord, thank you for what you did during Juju’s life and gifting my family with this incredible light, this testimony unfolding, but surely you know what it’s like to grieve. You know what it’s like to be separated from your only begotten Son. If you’re stripping me of anything my life could cling to other than you, so be it. I don’t have to know how you’re exalted in those moments as long you’re exalted at all. And with a daughter dancing in your courts, I dare not lose sight of the new life I have in Christ, knowing that’s exactly what she has.

For all you readers and co-sufferers out there, ask yourself: Will I be too stubborn in my grief to don new garments of praise? To serve and think within new wineskins? Or am I too scared to endure because I don’t want God to let me down again? I know for me, I don’t have the margin, nor do I want to give that question room to manifest. Thus, I will keep looking up and pressing on one step at a time, with Juju’s rays forever on the horizon. The victory’s been won. Let’s choose to walk it in. God, show us the way…

Selah.

Dust in the Wind: The Beauty in Being ‘Dirty’

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Recently, Kansas’ ‘Dust in the Wind’ came on my local oldies FM.

I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment’s gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes with curiosity
Dust in the win
All they are is dust in the wind

Sounds depressing, right? Like a poor man’s romantic anthem to Ecclesiastes…

“‘Meaningless! Meaningless!’
says the Teacher.
‘Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless’” (Ecclesiastes 1:2).

Applied to our hopes and ambitions, these lyrics can seem maddening. What about my God given purpose? Is it void, useless, just a vain rat race underneath the cosmos?

Hardly! If anything, within these lyrics lies an affirming contrast, one that marks not only our earthly identity but vocational calling. To illustrate, let’s consider the difference between chaff and dust.

When exploring the reasons why we live, chances are we’re not considering the byproducts of grain processing. Still, the Word is clear our physical bodies were created from dust and will return as such (Genesis 3:19). With eternity in mind, we must accept the metaphor as core to our finiteness. While dust may seem unpleasant, by definition, it is a pure particle occasionally suspended in air but designed to settle whereas chaff is a scaly covering intended to be separated or burned. No wonder the Word often references chaff in the context of iniquity. For chaff to be purified, it must become a new creation. But with dust, it is already fine and capable of influencing everything from cloud formation to nutrient cycling.

Tying this to the surface, we find personal meaning. Although our bodies are fragile pillars, albeit with mind, heart, soul, and spirit, it’s still a sacred vessel created for finding rest and inspiring growth, even in times of displacement and turbulence. Kind of like, oh, I don’t know…dust!

Some of you reading this may be caught in chaotic currents or stuck in a false sense of worthlessness. You may feel as low as dust, easily swept away in the wind, not strong enough to stand in your own strength. But I challenge you, friends, to see the beauty in that. If all else, stand firm (Ephesians 6:13) and if you can’t stand, then settle in Jesus with every intention to rely on Him to carry you. You may feel like you’re passing away; however, rather than wade in insecurity, dare to consider where you’re passing away to.

‘Cause truth is: God can use you even if you feel like dust in the wind. He can use you to inspire vertical growth as you wisp for His glory. He can sustain you as you ignite precipitation to fall and become rivers of living water. He can strengthen you as you sow and position seeds in tough terrain to receive what they need to flourish. I could go on.

Just remember none of this is possible without the Creator and Sustainer of dust; hence, why Qoheleth prologues his book with ‘meaningless’, as life is without the answer and the reason of life. How sweet it is to know with His breath, He purified us from the ground so the ground would have no ultimate authority over our final destination. Yet, even as we come back to it in this life, we can fulfill God’s original design for our lives.

Cheers to being dust in the wind alongside you…

Selah…and remember, friends, be excellent to each other...

Cover graphic creds: iStock

Master Plan: How to Discover God’s Will for Your Life

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Rooted in the heart of every person there is a question:  What’s the purpose of my life? Perhaps you are reading this blog right now because you are searching for an answer to that question. Or maybe you are wondering if your life is some cosmic mistake. You are not alone. Many of us wrestle with our identity or place in this world at one point or another.  
 
If you follow Christ, or have ever considered following God, this search for purpose and meaning points us to Him – the divine creator that knows our purpose. But maybe you have looked to God or His word to discover your purpose and still feel lost.  
 
No matter how desperate we are to discover our purpose, if we are seeking our own will and not God’s we are destined to struggle. As we crave fulfillment and pine for intimacy and influence with those around us, are we inviting God into our brokenness, our needs, and our search for His will?

Or maybe you really want to discover God’s will for your life but don’t know how to find it. If so, I want to encourage you through a phrase you’ve likely heard before: Where there’s a will, there’s a way. 
 
In this context, I’m not talking about our free will; I’m talking about God’s will, His guide for our lives and a pathway for us to follow.  
 
Micah 6:8 (NIV) says: “…what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” 
 
To me, this verse offers profound peace. No matter what we’re going through, no matter the void we’re eager to fill, we can reference these three instructions and reset our inquiry. Read through this prayer and consider praying it for yourself: 
 
Lord, in this moment, I confess I need You more than anything else. Though I’m anxious to know the next step for my life, I ask first that Your Kingdom come, and that Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Purify my heart to be more like Yours, to know the truth of who You are, so even when I’m lost or confused, I can rest knowing I’m loved and made in Your image.  I want your love and your purpose for me to be the lens through which I see myself and the world around me. 
 
Dallán Forgaill captures this in the words of the well-known hymn, ‘Be Thou My Vision’. Here are three verses from that old hymn: 

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart; 

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art; 

Thou my best thought, by day or by night; 

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light. 
 
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise; 

Thou mine inheritance, now and always; 

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart; 

O King of glory, my treasure Thou art. 
 
O King of glory, my victory won; 

Rule and reign in me ’til Thy will be done; 

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall; 

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all. 

In the poem, Forgaill asks God to make Himself known. He does not ask for answers or next steps; simply Jesus. As much as we want to discern the will of God, we must first arrive at a point of complete surrender and total reliance.  
 
And we see this theme of surrender and reliance echo throughout scripture: 
 
“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” ~ Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV) 
 
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” ~ Matthew 16:24 (NIV) 
 
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” ~ 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV) 
 
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” ~ James 4:7 (NIV) 
 
In doing the things listed in these verses, we can commit our ways to God and abandon unhealthy entitlement, idolatry, lust, and pride. We can even release to God our longing to know His plan! 
 
In summary, if you want to know God’s will for your life, pursue the heart of God, and the plan will come. 
 
 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” ~ Matthew 6:33  
 
God will help you discover His next best step in His perfect timing. No matter what is happening in your life, when in doubt, simply “pour out” a simple prayer. Here’s one example: 
 
God, I’m too hurt or lost to move in this moment; however, in faith, I cast my fear and anxiety upon you. In this posture of trust, I anchor my hope in you, counting the journey as joy as I wait upon you. Until then, I will say ‘yes’ to your Word in showing justice, kindness, and humility to the world around me. Amen. 
 
Mercy Multiplied offers programs and resources to help people find freedom in Christ and discover the seeds of destiny God has planted in them. Click here for more information about the Keys to Freedom discipleship study. 

Autside Looking In: Dealing with the Spectrum and Grief at Work

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So, this isn’t a newsflash, but I’ll go ahead and say it anyway.

I’m an autistic adult who’s lost a kid yet believes in his story. While there’s a lot I don’t know, I know a lot about things I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, from holding a child taking her last breath to being unfairly labeled in school for lacking social cues, and at past jobs for having neurodivergent tendencies.

Not to suggest I’m a victim or anything. I’m just different, perhaps a little anomalous, and that’s okay. Honestly, the world needs more people who are content and confident in their uniqueness, in how they see and understand the world around them.

Yet, as for why I’m writing this, consider it a call for corporate introspection, from churches and counseling centers to employers across the country. No matter what organizational structure is employed, there must be support for spectrum people as well as those who are struggling with trauma and loss. In our interactions with colleagues, providers, subordinates, and those in our household, we must not only prioritize grace, compassion, and understanding in our dealings but also make additional room for them with certain people in specific situations.

The reason is simple: While every day is a gift, it can also feel like a burden for the one walking through complexities they can’t understand. Are we actively thinking of ways to steward psychological safety in our workplaces, to share requests and concerns? Are we screening people at strategic junctures to know what their accommodations should be? Are we seeking to understand the ‘why’ behind select needs, tools, and outputs? Are we willing to learn more about what doesn’t directly apply to us but applies to those on our team, from the cubicle peer next door to the prospect who could be the missing link to our company’s next big thing?

Again, I’m not looking to force conviction, but stir some questions for thought. Are we, as influencers and leaders with varying degrees of authority, considering ways we can facilitate healthy environments for those who may struggle to regulate on overwhelming, high-pressure days? Are we contributing our availability and wisdom to potentially detrimental dynamics? Are we being bold to sow life while being emotionally sensitive to those who could use a piece of our positivity, perspective, or direction?

Whatever your answers are, I’m not entitled to know, though I will say this in closing. Dare to care enough to know when an unjust tag is applied, when bias is infiltrating a pride-centric culture where hurting and/or neurodiverse people are somehow inferior. In all we say and do, let’s keep our hearts intact, our protocols fine-tuned, and our attitudes open to adjustments.