October 2021

Author’s note: Before I continue with this next installment, on behalf of Lyssah and I, thank you all for bearing with us the past few months. We know the content rhythm has been impacted by recent events as new territory yields its audibles; however, in the spirit of Habakkuk 2:2, my heart’s desire is to keep documenting these revelations as God tends our hearts during these trying times. Eventually, we will reach a finish line with a return to normality. For now, we press on boasting in the goodness of God and the perfections of Christ (Philippians 3:12).

Written 10/22/21…

I have a confession to make.

And I know it may sound weird to some.

But in short, these past few months, I’ve been somewhat selfish, somewhat swollen…

…with heavy margin centered on the artist known as Jubilee. The final quarter of progeny at halftime in the NICU with a score only heaven knows.

Each day, I wake up and take down a familiar theme.

“God, keep her alive. Keep her strong. Keep her going,” I say to myself. “So, one day she will rock the nations and be the light in the darkness you’ve always intended her to be.”

A prayer in fair intent set free from spare lament.

Yet, deep down, a different tune…

…rendering…

…oh me, oh my, myopic me.

If only I wasn’t so shortsighted, maybe I could have spared the vanity and considered the pressing present.

For while it’s easy to tie Juby’s survival to her future, the reality is:

Her future is now (as evidenced by her middle name, Nileen, which translates to “surrender”)
As much as Lys & I cling to Immanuel, we can’t neglect Hosanna.

As the beat goes on…

“Yes, God. Keep Juby in perfect peace, in perfect health as her preemie mind is steadfast on you knowing she’s been purchased at a price. But, oh, would you start something here at the NICU to save the lost and the empty walking through these doors. As much as we believe you’ll use this life, use it now to share the wow of what and who you’re consistently are. A thread in the tapestry, not the tapestry itself, sows us into your supernatural intentions. Refresh and restore this land on which you, not us, are the epicenter…

...and forgive me for thinking the miracle of her survival is enough. It’s not enough. It’s only the beginning. So keep me humble to your next and together, we will get there…

…as you survive us today and revive us again.”

Selah.

Cover photo creds: Lyssah Fry

So…I was going to write about some more NICU life lessons today…

So, I was going to discuss more NICU life lessons today; however, after losing my home flooring due to a washer malfunction and a rental car in 48 hours, I’m calling an audible for two reasons:

Reason #1: If frustration is a thermos, I’m overflowing past the brim, fresh off the sight of my house becoming a waterfall with pipe water sloshing from the laundry room to the front door. As steam vents from my ears, so too is my sanity.

Reason #2: If fear is a storm, I’m in the eye, scarred by the visual of my rental spiraling out of the driveway unmanned, clipping the neighbor’s mailbox, destroying my car door, and coming within a foot of impacting the neighbor’s car.

Of all the reasons and seasons for this to happen, this happens now. I mean, I know when it rains, it pours, but come on, life, this is ridiculous!Seriously, God, I know you’re up there! Can you throw us a lifeline, a SOS, anything? Just for one day, one flippin’ day, can Lys and I catch a little break?

*Sigh*

My mind says I can’t do this anymore. I’m losing my fight. I’m not made for this road. But deep down, I don’t want to give up on you being the break I crave at the end of the day. After all, when we need to stop and breathe, you are the breath in our lungs. I only must look so far as the ventilator in front of me. As alarms resound, give Lyssah and me the strength to endure with character so our capacity to believe in You and share your love increases. I thank you for trusting us with Jubilee, for this appointed time of troubleshooting through which we can model perseverance to our neighbors, literally and figuratively. Per 2 Corinthians 4:8- 10, reset that big picture again so we may be good to go by your goodness. Even though we’re afflicted, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; struck down, but not destroyed; help us carry in our body the death of Jesus, so that His life may manifest and multiply. Amen.

Perspective and prayer applied, I’m still lost at sea if peace is an ocean. From losing livability in my house to awkward conversations with insurance companies, my emotions are bursting at the seam, enough to make this passage a tough one to swallow. Yet, even as vultures begin to circle, even as these physical and emotional toils build, I will count it all joy as I consider what God may be expanding in this season.

Take it from a broken man: If all you can do is say, ‘Yes’ and roll with it, you have won in Jesus’s name. Like Bill Murray in ‘What About Bob’, what baby steps lack in initial distance make up for them in determination over time. So must our faith be as we walk and talk with God during crisis.

Selah.