3 Ways to Overcome Loneliness

August 12, 2015August 13, 2015Leave a comment

Have you ever felt ‘home’ locationally yet far from it relationally…

…secure in the journey, but perhaps insecure in community?

No question, it’s an awkward emotional dichotomy…to feel in love where you’re at yet estranged at the same time.

Perhaps you’ve wondered what do when you feel like you’re not connecting or what to do when you feel God isn’t honoring your obedience with the right relationships.

If that’s you, then heed my words…

…’cause truth is: I’ve been there…

…and in some ways, I’m still there.

And I’m sure for many of you reading this…you can say the same.

With that said, here are three ways to rightfully cope with the contradiction.

1) Live and breathe God’s wholeness.

No doubt, God is enough. The question is: do you honestly believe it?

Consider Jeremiah…a prophet whose calling meant to be alone, as evidenced by his directive not to marry, go to weddings or funerals, be in the presence of feasters and merrymakers, etc.

When we study Jeremiah’s narrative, it shouldn’t surprise us to find him often discouraged and depressed. After all, Jeremiah was entirely human…and to be without friends is one of life’s greatest challenges. But though Jeremiah carried certain “love deficits”, this didn’t keep him from finding satisfaction in God, as noted by his tendency to open prayer with “sovereign Lord” and conclude it with a reference to His steadfast love and/or power. Though Jeremiah lived without companionship, God was able to use his singleness and isolation to fulfill His purposes¹ through him in ways that couldn’t have happened had he shared dependence.

As for us, there may be seasons when God temporarily detaches us to cultivate greater dependence on Him, as He did with Jeremiah. But while these seasons may be arduous, we can still find contentment in knowing God always has our best in mind and always sees the beginning from the end.

Hence, it makes perfect sense to receive God’s wholeness since it not only helps us cope with our deficiencies, but provides spiritual nourishment to keep going…all the while, renewing our trust in His providence.

2) Pray the Word over your location.

Let’s be honest: It’s easier to pray for people you know than those you don’t, right?

…especially considering we live in a compartmentalized culture where our concept of the world is essentially our concept of ‘our world’.

However, let’s say God repositions you in a foreign place or season. Would the change be enough to diminish your prayer life or would you stay persistent regardless?

While prayer can certainly benefit from sound company, truth is: the tempo of our prayer life should not be dictated by our social life² or lack thereof.

Why? ‘Cause at the end of the day, it’s God who orchestrates our connectedness!

Thus, if we’re feeling dissatisfied or desolate, we should feel compelled to turn to God without hesitation and seek his direction, considering if anything is in the way, it’s likely a stronghold of man.

So next time you find yourself disappointed by the hardness of your heart and/or surroundings, pray the Word over your location…and choose to make intercession your default as opposed to withdrawal.

Again, it may not be easy, but you can, at least, bank on finding fuel even when you’re running on empty.

3) Focus on opportunities to serve.

As mentioned before, we all want to belong…and find our place.

However, though the desire itself makes sense, the problem is often how and where it’s prioritized.

For instance, if the desire is overly prioritized, then we risk engaging communityas a means to an end, where on the flip side, if the desire is not prioritized enough, we risk relationship being a nonchalant concept, dependent on chance rather than intention.

But if we truly want to bridge relationships organically, why not focus on opportunities to serve and invite God into the process?

Seriously…it’s not like we have anything to lose yielding to the Spirit’s leading.

And if you think you got to have friends before you can find your “place,” consider how God prepared the way in Scripture time and time again (i.e. God frequently prepped the territory before tending the inhabitants; see Deuteronomy 1-16, John 14:3).

In short, when it comes to seeking connection, the best approach is to let God be God by consecrating our relationships (present and future; real and hopeful), staying rooted in prayer, and seeking His desire to plant us in the best place possible…in the best way possible.

Footnotes

1) To fulfill his purpose, it was essential Jeremiah relied entirely on God, considering he may have a) integrated a fear of man into his prophecies or b) fallen away completely had he placed his own needs above God’s wants.

2) Or how we feel our social life is

Photo credits: https://blog.febc.org
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What Pastors & Superman Have in Common

August 17, 2014August 17, 2014Leave a comment

We see our pastors as many things.

Counselor, motivator, preacher, scholar…the list goes on.

But let’s be honest: sometimes, it’s easy to imagine them as something far greater than they really are…

…like a super-hero straight out of a Marvel comic, loaded with heavy artillery, always on guard to defeat the darkest forces of evil.

However, regardless of what we like to think, pastors aren’t superheroes.

They don’t shoot lasers out of their eyes, webs out of their wrists or leap buildings in a single bound. They don’t possess Asgardian power, cyberpathic links…or the ability to save the world with incredible displays of Bible trivia and prophetic insight.

On the contrary, what pastors share with our dream heroes are much less enviable.

But though they may not possess earth-shattering superpowers or battle alongside valiant sidekicks, they still carry enormous responsibility.

For instance, not only must pastors fearlessly lead while warring behind closed doors, but they also must demonstrate consistent self-sacrifice, willing to die for not only what they stand for, but whom they stand for.

Sound, familiar?

So while we may think our pastors are protective guardians living largely in extravagant estates complete with lavish interiors and ritzy paraphernalia, the reality is our pastors are silent sufferers…dirty shepherds wrestling with the same ups and downs as everybody else.

They aren’t any more perfect.

They aren’t any less weak.

Yet, all the while, it’s one emergency after another: a hospital call, a parishioner’s broken marriage or an untimely death…their life and desires put on hold as they faithfully tend the needs of the flock.

Thus, the idea of pastors having it easy…couldn’t be further from the truth.

‘Cause when we go behind the scenes, we don’t find clean-cut lives saturated with serenity, but rather ones messy and muddled….filled with desperate tears and inherited heartbreak.

Sure, the world may think pastors have to have it all together in order to be effective…in order to be qualified…that somehow, it’s up to them to do the “saving”. But sometimes, we forget how important it is for our pastors to struggle…to battle…to contend…to model by way of vulnerable action…all the while operating as the living embodiment of Galatians 6:2.

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So as a young pastor, learning this firsthand, I encourage you to pray supernatural strength and endurance (Romans 5:3-4, James 1:2-4, James 1:12-18, Colossians 1:11, 1 Corinthians 10:13) over your church leaders, understanding no matter how heavy the load, they’ll ~~almost~~ always carry a greater bullseye on their back.

And if you’re in a place of leadership, I challenge you to pray for your staff and team members to stay the course…to keep trusting God even when you feel invisible.

‘Cause when we talk about our pastors and ministers, there will be inevitable down days when they feel like anything but a superhero.

Yet, we don’t have to be indifferent bystanders, disengaged from supportive action.

But rather, we can be empowered by praying for our leaders to be empowered…and we can be encouraged by encouraging the people who make it their mission to encourage us…remembering even when we feel alone and misunderstood, there’s a God inspiring pastors and non-pastors alike to war for one other.

‘Til then, rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer (Romans 12:12).

Image from Kevin DeYoung

Making Time for Quiet Time (Part 1)

August 2, 2014May 30, 2020Leave a comment

Have you ever wondered how your pastor spends his alone time? Or what he does away from church?

I know I have.

In fact, I remember as a kid, thinking the pastor was like the Wizard of Oz – a man of big presence and mystery, yet shielded behind the curtain of Monday thru Saturday.

But as I grew older, and watched my dad make the transition from road warrior to senior pastor, I learned firsthand the importance of not only making time for God, but being a wise steward of that time.

And now, as a bivocational minister, I’m living what I learned, rediscovering the value of quiet time in an entirely new light.

Now, I know when we talk quiet time, it’s easy to get squeamish. After all, it’s not easy making room for it with so much going on in life.

But it’s not like pastors are any exception.

‘Cause with pastors, quiet time can get lost in the shuffle rather easily, whether in tedious logistics…like studying and writing out sermons, orchestrating service flows, making phone calls, responding to e-mails, staff meetings…or the personal items like counseling sessions, house church, attending important social engagements, hospital visits, etc.

And keep in mind, we’re not even talking about other full-time jobs, academic loads or family commitments.

But maybe you’re reading this wondering what the heck is real “quiet time” anyway?

Well, at its core, quiet time is time intentionally set aside for intimate communion with God, whether through prayer, intercession, reflection, reading the Word…or a combo platter of two or more.

So quiet time is basically premeditated meditation.

However, for ministers and church leaders, quiet time can be a slightly more complicated issue.

For instance, many pastors prep multiple messages on a weekly basis, spending many hours submerged in Scriptures, commentaries, concordances, databases, journal articles, etc.

Is it okay, then, for them to occasionally use prep time as quiet time?”

Well, the quick, smart-aleck answer is: Of course!

‘Cause if you think about it, prep time is literally applied quiet time…

…yet, with one notable caveat: Prep time is seeking God with an agenda, quiet time is seeking God for the agenda.

True, both can be purposeful…and planned out in advance.

However, with “quiet time”, we’re talkin’ about a holy hangout we get to have with the living God, completely free of technical, relational or work-related distractions.

Pretty amazing, eh?

Yet, when we dig a little deeper, we find “quiet time” to not only be a conversation with God, but also a gateway to higher level understanding concerning the ways of God. Thus, if we’re truly thirsty to see our relationship with God advance, then spending yielded time with Him is not an option.

And hear me, guys, I know what it’s like to wrestle with a desire to spend quality time with God, especially on days when I have a lot on my plate or when I’m feeling burnt out.

Yet, whenever I find myself wrestling with the decision to spend quiet time with God, I ask myself:

Have I committed this day to the Lord?
Have I expressed praise and thanksgiving to God today?
Have I spent agenda-free time with God today?
Have I opened my heart to give and receive from the Lord today?

If the answer is ‘no’ to any of these questions, then chances are, I need to pause and recalibrate through quiet time. And hey, if you run down the checklist, but are still struggling, simply ask God to fill you up with a deeper desire to know Him more. It won’t take long before He pours into you with supernatural hunger.

So coming back to the initial question: is it okay for ministers to use prep time as quiet time?

Well, yes…

But think about it: wouldn’t it be better for quiet time to lead into prep time?

Shouldn’t prep time flow out of quiet time, given the point of either is seeking God first and foremost above content?

‘Cause bottom line: We don’t prep to have quiet time, but have quiet time so what we do flows out of it.

Matthew 6:33 confirms this:

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (ESV)

In other words, when we lay down our agenda and seek the Lord first, we’ll find He, in turn, will inspire the content for the prep. Thus, quiet time doesn’t have to hinge on our productivity or intellectual efficiency. Rather, we can rest in knowing God will be faithful to provide the timely word or revelation we’re looking for. All we have to do is stand at the door and knock (Revelation 3:20).

Stay tuned next time, when we’ll conclude this mini-series by talking about how ministers can tangibly model quiet time and how they can keep it from becoming a “grey area” in the church.