Tag: Intimacy

Work as Intimacy: Scratch Notes on Hebrews 13

1 Comment

Core References: Hebrews 13:2; 13:15-16

Supportive References: 1 Peter 4:9, Romans 12:13, 1 Timothy 5:10, Acts 28:2

Key Word: Hospitality

Communal Goals of Hospitality

  1. Making God accessible to people
  2. Helping people connect to God’s love/see their ‘loved by God’ identity
  3. Extending fellowship to all men (i.e. weary, broken, lost, searching, etc.)

The Contexts of Hospitality

There are several contexts behind hospitality in Scripture. For today, we’ll mention three of them: welcoming, intimacy, and suffering.

In the context of welcoming and receiving, our hospitality should radiate and reflect eagerness, enthusiasm, and intercession – the kind of heart that says…

“We’re ready for you when you get here because we thought about you before you arrived.”

By embracing this posture, we allow prayer to invade both our heart to serve and our anticipation to serve (more on this in future posts).

In the context of intimacy, especially when engaged corporately, our hospitality is a lead-in helping people realize God is closer to them than they think. Likewise for many of the saints, we are more wired to touch people than we think since we’re not only close to God, but IN Christ IN community.

giphy-1

giphy

In the context of suffering, our hospitality is an overflow of having received our ‘made in Christ’ identity and the renewing of our minds (Hebrews 12:1-2). We see this through the Jesus pattern in Scripture. From pre-ministry to Cross, Jesus continually allowed suffering to define new depths of intimacy. Even when He didn’t understand or lacked the strength, Jesus never stopped pursuing the Father’s heart knowing it was key to serving and saving people.

Applied to real world, we may not always sense the fullness of God’s presence, but this doesn’t mean our grief is the stronger reality or that our souls are being abandoned (Psalm 16). Rather, as we see in Gethsemane, when God’s presence lifts, we should see it as an invitation to reach up…to stand at the door and knock (Revelation 3:20) into deeper places of vulnerability. How awesome to think this moment in time not only provides a hospitality word picture, but emphasizes the direction of our worship at the same time!

giphy.gif

In Jesus’ case, when He asks God to remove the cup (Mark 14:36; Matthew 26:29; Matthew 26:42; Luke 22:42; John 18:11; Isaiah 51:22), He finds the strength to embrace grief as an instrument of redemption. To him, not only was preserving through suffering a joy but the suffering itself.

image-asset.gif

As to how this applies to hospitality, consider how our ‘new nature’ identity connects to God’s ministry of reconciliation. In this life, we know trials and tribulations will come; however, we also know divine appointments often come with them. Accordingly, the joy set before us can manifest as hospitality through pain even as we’re transformed into Christ’s likeness. After all, to serve one another should not be a means we endure pain, but a way we love in pain.

PainThought

Core Scriptures on Hospitality 

I love how Hebrews 13 captures the sacrificial aspect of hospitality.

Hebrews 13:2 (AMP) – “Do not neglect to extend hospitality to strangers [especially among the family of believers—being friendly, cordial, and gracious, sharing the comforts of your home and doing your part generously], for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.”

Hebrews 13:15 (ESV) – “Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.”

Hebrews 13:16 (MSG) – “Make sure you don’t take things for granted and go slack in working for the common good; share what you have with others. God takes particular pleasure in acts of worship—a different kind of “sacrifice”—that take place in kitchen and workplace and on the streets.”

Concerning my point on suffering, note how v. 12-13 (AMP) threads these passages connecting back to v. 1 (MSG):

“Therefore Jesus also suffered and died outside the gate so that He might sanctify and set apart for God as holy the people who believe through His own blood. So let us go outside the camp holding on as He did when we are abused.” 

“Stay on good terms with each other, held together by love.” 

Again, I’ll come back to this due to the amount of series potential in the giving/suffering relationship.

For now, let’s combining core and supportive references…

Contribute to one another’s needs through grateful giving. See compassion as a fragrant offering (Ephesians 5:2) and sacrifice of praise (Hebrews 13:15). Don’t worry about your reputation, but let selfless care speak for itself. Wash the feet of the saints and keep the door open for strangers. Whatever they’re going through, you have something to offer as partners in the divine. What can’t be seen, you are making it seen. Even when you’re outside your element, let extraordinary kindness kindle a fire for the dreary and heavy laden.¹

The Bottom Line of Hospitality

Through practical acts of kindness, whether intentional or random, realize the table you’re setting for God to show up and showcase His greatness – the parts of His nature we’re to taste and see as good (Psalm 34:8).

Selah.

Footnotes

  1. Paraphrased by Cameron Fry
Cover photo creds: XCHM; content inspired by September staff meetings @ The Gate Community Church

Work as Intimacy: Creating Cultures of Honesty (Part 1)

Leave a comment

Today’s Bible passage: Galatians 6
Supportive references: John 17:20-26, Galatians 2:20, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Hebrews 5:8

Core concept 1: The deepest reality we’re made for is intimacy. While many associate intimacy to companionship, in most settings, such closeness manifests as honesty and vulnerability. For instance, as professionals, we desire work cultures where we can feel safe enough to be vulnerable and free enough to be honest. As we find in John 1, not only does this define God’s original design for relationships, but work culture as well.

Bonus truth: The reality of intimacy predates the necessity of authority. While some see authority as power earned, because the Trinity has experienced intimacy for all eternity, we can instead say intimacy is authority entrusted. 

Work application: We desire real relationships with our colleagues. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done given very few people know themselves, let alone God. Even for the believer, trusting God in environments where cynicism abounds is tough sledding. But this doesn’t mean a culture of honesty can’t be cultivated; it just means our reliance on God must manifest through countercultural discernment and edification. Therefore, let’s not stress about what is counterfeit, but rather pursue excellence, and more importantly, encouragement with our cubical neighbors. Remember we don’t establish foundations where vulnerability and transparency can prosper; we pursue what makes for peace and mutual upbuilding (Romans 14:19) and let God lay the groundwork.

Bottom line: To build relationships, especially with seekers/unbelievers, is to a) partner with God in extending His father heart of love and b) guide others into freedom from fear, anger, and anxiety. As we’ll discuss next time, if we want to offer freedom, we must first be walking in it. Until then, why not focus on love through faith and let the Spirit guide you in what to say and when to say it?

stepbrothers

Core concept 2: Independence is unknown in the God community. Remember last time when we talked about how identity is not a matter of be-coming and self-refining (heart of stone thinking), but be-lieving and aligning (heart of flesh thinking)? This applies to this point: To have a heart of flesh is to embrace intimacy. To have a heart of stone is to embrace independence.

Bonus truth: The reality of intimacy not only predates the necessity of authority, but the concept of lordship. 

Work application: As a younger professional, my idea of closeness was essentially real estate. I’d consider my location and build relationships with those who’d ‘receive’ me, as few as they were. Yet, as I ultimately discovered, this approach only fueled my skepticism and selectivity when serving my floor members. Yes, I knew God had a specific intent concerning my placement, but I often took it into my own hands. Little did I know my independence was distancing me from the very thing I craved: intimacy.

Of course, I get how easy it is to view colleagues as nothing more than people we’re proximate to. Still, it’s imperative we consider what intimacy looks like in the marketplace. In my experience…

…intimacy extended to our co-workers is evident when our desire to work with them becomes an overflow of our value for them.

Sure, we may not always agree with their life decisions; however, if we give love room and engage people for their benefit, we can enhance a culture of safety that leads to eventual vulnerability.

Bottom line: Independence and intimacy are diametrically opposed realities. If we long to transform our work cultures, then our service must be rooted in agape love, not fear. Once we grasp this, no question, we’ll begin to see freedom spring up within our influence.

giphy

WorkLove-Colleague

Core concept 3: Humankind was originally given a ‘made in God’s image’ nature. When Adam chose to act independently from God, he was reduced to human nature. To embrace our ‘new creation’ identity (Galatians 6:15) is to die to our human nature and recover the ‘made in God’s image’ nature.

Bonus truth: When Adam chose to be independent, he, and everyone since, lost the connection with the ‘made in God’s image’ nature; however, by having His Son die on a Cross, God not only saved us from our sins, but rescued us from oppressive worldly systems built on human nature. Put another way, Jesus not only died on the cross to provide salvation/forgiveness of sins, but also to rescue us from independence into the freedom of intimacy. When you accept the work of Jesus on the Cross, that’s your first step in discovering the vulnerabilities that create intimacy and the freedom that can result.

After all…

Jesus didn’t come to just die for you, but live for you.

Work application: To our lost and lukewarm co-workers, we must not be surprised the concept of identity is skewed. Left to our devices, not only does a concept of identity become a function of performance, but performance a function of independence. Interestingly, as modern cultural identity issues have taught us, the idea identity is about ‘being’, not ‘doing’ as gained traction; the problem is such notions are still based in independence, not intimacy. Perhaps this is why when we talk about sexual identity, many based their perception out of what they choose as opposed to what they receive. Whatever the case, it shouldn’t surprise us to find many within our realm of reach synonymizing love to tolerance and acceptance.

Back to our working environments, we may not be able to go ‘deep’ with everyone to the point vulnerability is default. Nevertheless, it’s important we keep these core concepts on our radar. To know who we are, especially in Christ, we must first understand our identity isn’t the sum of our accomplishments, but recognizes why accomplishments exist. Only then can we live the truth of why we believe:

We live for love having been created in love and we give for love having first received.

Granted, most people we encounter won’t understand this right way, but deep down, they want to be free from the weight of value being contingent on success. Dare to be a part in their quest for freedom by presenting the Gospel with such a lens.

Bottom line: To be made in God’s image is to be made for intimacy. Just as authority flows from intimacy, our doing flows from our being. Accordingly, as leaders, if you want to influence your team members, pour into how they are doing in addition to what they are doing.

1_1t6iAsgdJk0nFY8EbJcrbw.gif

giphy.gif

Stay tuned next time when I’ll unveil core concepts 4-6.

‘Til then, love the ones you’re with.

Selah.

~ Cameron

Cover photo: Wallpaper HD; content inspired by August 25 sermon @ The Gate Community Church

Halftime: A Musing on Life in 2018

Leave a comment

Well, folks, the summer equinox is upon us and you know what that means…

…time for yet another enlightening installment of ‘halftime lessons learned’ where the year goes under inspection, the heart under reflection, and fears under subjection…

…where inventory becomes short story…

…and hopes teetering on paralysis find rest in analysis.

Now, I admit: when probing a year, I prefer filtering my thoughts into bite-sized, applicable takeaways; however, this year, I can’t help but feel I must take a different approach given its narrative and the irony of potentially leaving truth between the lines.

After all, not all years are created equal, and as such, easily quantifiable.

But where to begin…that is the question.

Obviously, life on the home front has changed significantly with Everly. Like Caeden, her joy has proved contagious in a year full of adjustments. Granted, with two under three and an adolescent pup, maturation compels naturally when a family grows for a third straight year. Even so, this year’s home-owning family of four has felt far more settled than last year’s house-hunting family of three. Accordingly, all is well and better than ever for me and my house.

Of course, not all change has been hunky-dory; the lack of youth ministry, in particular, has proven especially difficult.

For starters, I didn’t realize until after-the-fact just how much I’d assigned identity to role and pain to under the carpet 1 2. I suppose when you’re constantly pouring out and giving your all regardless of peripherals, it’s easy for that to become your reality. Unfortunately, the more you tolerate voids in this way, the more you think you can fill them loving on your own terms, as if the Golden Rule alone can grant purpose.

But as we know, that’s not how begetting life works3. Ultimately, if we desire a pure walk with God based in intimacy over responsibility, we must confront the interference…

…which brings me to where I’m at today…

…where if there’s any desperation, it’s for my sense of place and passion to be free from seeking re-orientation in ego4, specifically what should have been.

As the Lord has been convicting me in recent weeks, the world is searching for sacred love…is aching for eternity (as perpetual presence)…and yearning for believers to identify with Jesus. And while it’s easy to emphasize advancement and progress, there are seasons when we must return to awe, re-embrace the basics of our faith, and allow the gnosis5 of ‘we are not what we do’ to seep below the neckline6.

For when we allow God to reset, restart, and refresh both course and inner man, our strength is renewed to release not only what we lack, but what hasn’t worked7.

Think of it this way: whenever you crave wonder to extinguish discouragement, remember what truly lasts. Yes, seasons come and go. And yes, there will be times when you feel what should be happening isn’t happening.

But glory to God life is so much richer than our temporary inconveniences…that even in the midst of what’s not working or happening, he uses those voids to remind us who we are…and how much we need him.

And while the roadmap will surely vary from person to person…

…like a river to be crossed, we will get there.

As for the rest of 2018, there’s so much I could say, from our new family freelancing business to returning to school to finish my meteorology degree (see vid below for backstory); however, given much is still developing, I’ll hold off until December before lending a detailed update/recap.

‘Til then, enjoy halftime.

Selah.

Footnotes

  1. In the name of endurance.
  2. Not to mention those pesky what if’s…like what if I had allowed myself to be poured into more consistently? What if I had recognized ‘x’ insecurity sooner? What if I had applied this personal/program correction at ‘x’ point? Etc, etc…
  3. Eternal esurance slogan?
  4. Notably in temporary measures like success, relationship, and comparisons
  5. Head knowledge
  6. Heart knowledge (i.e. epignosis); in case you need to know where I’m at, there you go
  7. Or isn’t working

Photo creds: Fine Art America

The Naked Truth: Why Church Needs a Sex Talk

1 Comment

Since its inception, His Girl Fryday has served as a resource helping bivocational/ marketplace leaders mature their influence…and while our mission has always been to bridge sacred and secular, when it comes to absolute truth, ultimately we’re just as passionate outside our niche as within it.

Thus, as we tackle a hot topic in sexuality, understand this message has not only been internally simmering for years (having been ignited during last week’s Messenger Fellowship summit), but also represents one of my deepest pastoral regrets having rarely addressed it1 during my youth ministry tenure. Of course, much could be said in a testimonial setting; for now, let’s focus on how sexuality has been and should be addressed to effectively equip the emerging generation.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

When it comes to modern day sexuality, no question we live in a unique time caught up in the crossfire of change. On one hand, we have church and culture experiencing seismic shifts in how intimacy and its abuse are perceived. On the other, we have integrity and cross-generational tension in how the Word is interpreted and behaviorally applied².

Yet, while the divide may seem like a slippery slope, how we close the gap is worth discussion given we all struggle (or have struggled) with sexual identity, temptation, compromise, or at the very least, our identity in Christ.

Take my case for example…

As a child of the ’90’s, I grew up in a time when intimacy was seen as forbidden fruit. Not only was sex not talked about outside ‘the birds and the bees’, but hardly anyone wanted to…apart from a few exceptions.

I remember during one 8th grade chapel, my school brought in a young Christian couple to share their “love story”, a PG-13 account of why they waited. Unfortunately, while their testimony captured the wonder of affection, it failed to connect sex to Scripture leaving many peers in a wake of armor-less intrigue.

A few months later, I invited a friend to summer camp during which the last guest speaker defined purity as avoiding promiscuity. But again, like the married couple, though the message conveyed the mystique of sex, the big picture only grew more convoluted, especially for those like me who had become skilled in evading Cosmopolitan without knowing why.

Enter the day my sophomore year when I discovered Victoria Secret in my parent’s mailbox.

Yes, I had learned not to go looking for lust; however, I hadn’t learned what to do when lust came looking for me. Factor in a freshman year marred by peer rejection and bullying and suddenly those scantily clad women were more than just tempting…they were void-filling.

And so began a decadal stretch where self-gratification and fantasy lust not only became on-and-off defaults to loneliness and self-loathing, but self-seeking manifests in romantic relationships3 (more on this in a future post). Thankfully, after years of denial and compromise, the Spirit would meet me in a point of surrender and reset my course.

qtq80-CYVMS1

But by then, the damage had been done. Despite the fact I was a new creation relearning grace, forgiveness, and perseverance in the midst of shame, insecurity, and depression, the weight of deferred awareness -what could have been had I just trashed the lingerie clippings instead of stashing them ten years earlier – bore heavily on my mind.

Not to mention all the ‘what if’s’…

…like what if someone had taught me the wrongs of self-gratification?

…what if someone had taught me the boundaries of intimacy in dating relationships?

…what if I had a mentor who connected taking thoughts captive to pornographic temptation?

…what if the message of sexuality in my youth had involved discovering God’s intent as opposed to guilting people from living outside it?

Maybe then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

But the reality is we are…because I believe God not only wants to reshape and ‘de-grey’ the way we teach sex, but purge our family lines of where it’s been abused.  Like me, you may have wrestled with a checkered past, but this doesn’t mean God can’t use your fearless voice to stir implicit trust in places of explicit exposure.

The question is: are we willing to be entirely honest and sensitive when we need to?

For as long as sex is minimally approached and swept under the rug, we set our children up to learn the hard way; however, if we truly desire our youth to see sex through the fear of the Lord/their identity in Christ, if we truly long for them to be content in their singleness, and to understand the positives of purity, the rewards of repentance, and the repercussions of sexual sin4, only then will we set a foundation on which they can stand firm.

‘Til then, I submit the church refreshens her approach on teaching intimacy. To paraphrase John Piper…

…the problem with the church’s guide to sex education isn’t her instruction on walking in light, but her negligence in modeling a hatred of darkness.

As a result, youth are growing up aware sex has a time and place, like fire in a fireplace, but are far less aware of what to do when the chimney starts to crack or when the fire breaches the home. At some point, we must be willing to convey the fire of intimacy not only through the fatherheart of God, but in eager fashion as people unashamed of the Gospel and our testimony (Romans 1:15-16 AMP). Perhaps then will today’s young people know how to ‘house’ their sexuality where the fireplace was designed to be.

tenor

As for me, all I know is far too long I’ve been on my knees crying for help, but now that help has come…and in its wake…my heart yearns to see future generations know the warning signs that flare in the night and proceed against greed in light of the stronger, holy fire burning within5.

In closing, I encourage you, my friends, let’s be unified in advancing a more vulnerable talk on sex while praying generational healing into the roots of our family trees. After all, as great as the struggle or freedom we’re walking in, how much more glorious the triumph when we embrace the legacy of God’s highest?

Selah.

Footnotes

  1. Granted, the effort was made multiple times; at least we got this far…
  2. Hence, why sexuality is such a challenging subject given its taboo label and sandpapery effect on identity/ego/security
  3. Specifically, the lie of ‘as long as it’s not intercourse, it’s okay’
  4. Including the various forms of pornography and self-gratification
  5. Yes, I have DC Talk’s ‘The Hardway’ in my head now; again, I’m a child of the ‘90’s 😉

Cover photo creds: Pond5, Called to be Free

Making Time for Quiet Time (Part 1)

Leave a comment

Have you ever wondered how your pastor spends his alone time? Or what he does away from church?

I know I have.

In fact, I remember as a kid, thinking the pastor was like the Wizard of Oz – a man of big presence and mystery, yet shielded behind the curtain of Monday thru Saturday.

But as I grew older, and watched my dad make the transition from road warrior to senior pastor, I learned firsthand the importance of not only making time for God, but being a wise steward of that time.

And now, as a bivocational minister, I’m living what I learned, rediscovering the value of quiet time in an entirely new light.

Now, I know when we talk quiet time, it’s easy to get squeamish. After all, it’s not easy making room for it with so much going on in life.

But it’s not like pastors are any exception.

‘Cause with pastors, quiet time can get lost in the shuffle rather easily, whether in tedious logistics…like studying and writing out sermons, orchestrating service flows, making phone calls, responding to e-mails, staff meetings…or the personal items like counseling sessions, house church, attending important social engagements, hospital visits, etc.

And keep in mind, we’re not even talking about other full-time jobs, academic loads or family commitments.

But maybe you’re reading this wondering what the heck is real “quiet time” anyway?

Well, at its core, quiet time is time intentionally set aside for intimate communion with God, whether through prayer, intercession, reflection, reading the Word…or a combo platter of two or more.

So quiet time is basically premeditated meditation.

670px-Establish-Personal-Quiet-Time-with-Christ-Step-5However, for ministers and church leaders, quiet time can be a slightly more complicated issue.

For instance, many pastors prep multiple messages on a weekly basis, spending many hours submerged in Scriptures, commentaries, concordances, databases, journal articles, etc.

Is it okay, then, for them to occasionally use prep time as quiet time?”

Well, the quick, smart-aleck answer is: Of course!

‘Cause if you think about it, prep time is literally applied quiet time…

 …yet, with one notable caveat: Prep time is  seeking God with an agenda, quiet time is seeking God for the agenda.

 True, both can be purposeful…and planned out in advance.

However, with “quiet time”, we’re talkin’ about a holy hangout we get to have with the living God, completely free of technical, relational or work-related distractions.

Pretty amazing, eh?

Yet, when we dig a little deeper, we find “quiet time” to not only be a conversation with God, but also a gateway to higher level understanding concerning the ways of God. Thus, if we’re truly thirsty to see our relationship with God advance, then spending yielded time with Him is not an option.

And hear me, guys, I know what it’s like to wrestle with a desire to spend quality time with God, especially on days when I have a lot on my plate or when I’m feeling burnt out.

Yet, whenever I find myself wrestling with the decision to spend quiet time with God, I ask myself:

  • Have I committed this day to the Lord?
  • Have I expressed praise and thanksgiving to God today?
  • Have I spent agenda-free time with God today?
  • Have I opened my heart to give and receive from the Lord today?

If the answer is ‘no’ to any of these questions, then chances are, I need to pause and recalibrate through quiet time. And hey, if you run down the checklist, but are still struggling, simply ask God to fill you up with a deeper desire to know Him more. It won’t take long before He pours into you with supernatural hunger.

So coming back to the initial question: is it okay for ministers to use prep time as quiet time?

Well, yes…

But think about it: wouldn’t it be better for quiet time to lead into prep time?

Shouldn’t prep time flow out of quiet time, given the point of either is seeking God first and foremost above content?

‘Cause bottom line: We don’t prep to have quiet time, but have quiet time so what we do flows out of it.

Matthew 6:33 confirms this:

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (ESV)

In other words, when we lay down our agenda and seek the Lord first, we’ll find He, in turn, will inspire the content for the prep. Thus, quiet time doesn’t have to hinge on our productivity or intellectual efficiency. Rather, we can rest in knowing God will be faithful to provide the timely word or revelation we’re looking for. All we have to do is stand at the door and knock (Revelation 3:20).

Stay tuned next time, when we’ll conclude this mini-series by talking about how ministers can tangibly model quiet time and how they can keep it from becoming a “grey area” in the church.