Road to Healing: Why Even in Pain, There’s Still Jubilee

September 17, 2025September 17, 2025Leave a comment

It’s been three years to the day since Juju’s death.

For better and worse, Lys and I haven’t been the same since that fateful day. While grief intensity has lessened, life still feels like a tightrope. One false step and we’re praying for a safety net, just trying to survive – like when Juju was alive only without the hope of tomorrow. If only I were better at patience, maybe this whole waiting thing would be easier.

As Juju proved during her NICU tenure, progression and regression aren’t always mutually exclusive. At times within her fragile body, one element was improving while another was degrading. Her recovery and, at times, lack thereof, was anything but a linear wave. Like life itself, her journey was a winding roller coaster with unexpected turns and unprecedented breakthroughs. Her butterfly tattoo on my heart, not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and consider the glory of what she constantly experiences.

Yet, though the tears have remained mostly at bay the past year, there’s still a temptation to anger. God, why didn’t you somehow, someway cap her suffering? If you knew she was going to barely make it past a year, why defer the inevitable?

In most cases, I can convert those ‘whys’ into ‘look what God did’ and carry on. Where I stumble is the next level down: God, why aren’t people more naturally geared towards the broken-hearted? Why does the silence sometimes increase when it needs to decrease? In the shadows, you were there after Juju’s death. What about those who may not even be able to find you at all? What about them?

These questions have been raised before, and they’ll be raised again. Until the answers come, I, along with the rest of us, must settle in Christ (1 Peter 5:10; Colossians 2:6-7). For those who have lost a child, we don’t have any other option. At day’s end, everyone has a call to embrace their suffering and ditch their baggage. No exceptions. I know for me, sometimes I get into trouble tolerating the baggage while trying to ditch the suffering in a quest to find meaning in pain; however, in times of reset, I catch myself in the striving and commit my ways to God whether I feel like it. It’s hard as heck, don’t get me wrong. I just know as low as I feel sometimes, I’m only hindering my perspective when I punt prayer and vertical reliance.

I love how Paul opens Colossians 3:1: “Therefore if you have been raised with Christ, keep seeking the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”

For starters, the chapter unpacks our ‘new self’ identity as a garment we can wear regardless of the day. But even more promising, we’re reminded in the intro how we’ve been raised with Christ to a new life, sharing in His resurrection from the dead. In a weird way, this hits home even more so these days. Even when I feel dead on the inside, somehow, I know I’m that much closer to the type of life I crave. Among all the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God is also my daughter. Your son. His grandson. Her granddaughter. Their mother, their father, our friend, etc.

The way God’s lap is designed, there is always a comfort and rest to draw from, even if it’s simply His presence and nothing more.
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The problem is we’re not often content with the safety of God’s nearness because we’re dissatisfied with the security of it. Our kid passed away, so we doubt if God is who says He is. If God is a God of love, then why didn’t His sovereignty meet my faith in the middle? If God has the capability, why didn’t His power take pity on a soul that could have done wonders for Him if given the opportunity?

While I’m not condoning this as the correct posture to take, admittingly, this is a popular contention bereaved parents wrestle through. We desire the improbable; we believe in the impossible. We just wish it could have looked a certain way. And that’s okay…assuming we regularly surrender our grief, anxiety, fear, and anger. As Juju reminds us, there’s beauty to be found in the ashes of our sorrow, especially when we reframe our perspective to see a life well fought as an altar pointing people to Jesus. Our lives may always sound like a sad song, but that doesn’t mean what other people hear is the same tenor.

Trust me, life has been brutal, dare I say, savage, this decade. Despite the positive turn in recent years, my debates with God are still on the regular.

Dear Lord, thank you for what you did during Juju’s life and gifting my family with this incredible light, this testimony unfolding, but surely you know what it’s like to grieve. You know what it’s like to be separated from your only begotten Son. If you’re stripping me of anything my life could cling to other than you, so be it. I don’t have to know how you’re exalted in those moments as long you’re exalted at all. And with a daughter dancing in your courts, I dare not lose sight of the new life I have in Christ, knowing that’s exactly what she has.

For all you readers and co-sufferers out there, ask yourself: Will I be too stubborn in my grief to don new garments of praise? To serve and think within new wineskins? Or am I too scared to endure because I don’t want God to let me down again? I know for me, I don’t have the margin, nor do I want to give that question room to manifest. Thus, I will keep looking up and pressing on one step at a time, with Juju’s rays forever on the horizon. The victory’s been won. Let’s choose to walk it in. God, show us the way…

Selah.

Dust in the Wind: The Beauty in Being ‘Dirty’

August 23, 2025August 23, 2025Leave a comment

Recently, Kansas’ ‘Dust in the Wind’ came on my local oldies FM.

I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment’s gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes with curiosity
Dust in the win
All they are is dust in the wind

Sounds depressing, right? Like a poor man’s romantic anthem to Ecclesiastes…

“‘Meaningless! Meaningless!’
says the Teacher.
‘Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless’” (Ecclesiastes 1:2).

Applied to our hopes and ambitions, these lyrics can seem maddening. What about my God given purpose? Is it void, useless, just a vain rat race underneath the cosmos?

Hardly! If anything, within these lyrics lies an affirming contrast, one that marks not only our earthly identity but vocational calling. To illustrate, let’s consider the difference between chaff and dust.

When exploring the reasons why we live, chances are we’re not considering the byproducts of grain processing. Still, the Word is clear our physical bodies were created from dust and will return as such (Genesis 3:19). With eternity in mind, we must accept the metaphor as core to our finiteness. While dust may seem unpleasant, by definition, it is a pure particle occasionally suspended in air but designed to settle whereas chaff is a scaly covering intended to be separated or burned. No wonder the Word often references chaff in the context of iniquity. For chaff to be purified, it must become a new creation. But with dust, it is already fine and capable of influencing everything from cloud formation to nutrient cycling.

Tying this to the surface, we find personal meaning. Although our bodies are fragile pillars, albeit with mind, heart, soul, and spirit, it’s still a sacred vessel created for finding rest and inspiring growth, even in times of displacement and turbulence. Kind of like, oh, I don’t know…dust!

Some of you reading this may be caught in chaotic currents or stuck in a false sense of worthlessness. You may feel as low as dust, easily swept away in the wind, not strong enough to stand in your own strength. But I challenge you, friends, to see the beauty in that. If all else, stand firm (Ephesians 6:13) and if you can’t stand, then settle in Jesus with every intention to rely on Him to carry you. You may feel like you’re passing away; however, rather than wade in insecurity, dare to consider where you’re passing away to.

‘Cause truth is: God can use you even if you feel like dust in the wind. He can use you to inspire vertical growth as you wisp for His glory. He can sustain you as you ignite precipitation to fall and become rivers of living water. He can strengthen you as you sow and position seeds in tough terrain to receive what they need to flourish. I could go on.

Just remember none of this is possible without the Creator and Sustainer of dust; hence, why Qoheleth prologues his book with ‘meaningless’, as life is without the answer and the reason of life. How sweet it is to know with His breath, He purified us from the ground so the ground would have no ultimate authority over our final destination. Yet, even as we come back to it in this life, we can fulfill God’s original design for our lives.

Cheers to being dust in the wind alongside you…

Selah…and remember, friends, be excellent to each other...

Cover graphic creds: iStock

Master Plan: How to Discover God’s Will for Your Life

August 10, 2025August 10, 2025Leave a comment

Rooted in the heart of every person there is a question:  What’s the purpose of my life? Perhaps you are reading this blog right now because you are searching for an answer to that question. Or maybe you are wondering if your life is some cosmic mistake. You are not alone. Many of us wrestle with our identity or place in this world at one point or another.

If you follow Christ, or have ever considered following God, this search for purpose and meaning points us to Him – the divine creator that knows our purpose. But maybe you have looked to God or His word to discover your purpose and still feel lost.

No matter how desperate we are to discover our purpose, if we are seeking our own will and not God’s we are destined to struggle. As we crave fulfillment and pine for intimacy and influence with those around us, are we inviting God into our brokenness, our needs, and our search for His will?

Or maybe you really want to discover God’s will for your life but don’t know how to find it. If so, I want to encourage you through a phrase you’ve likely heard before: Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

In this context, I’m not talking about our free will; I’m talking about God’s will, His guide for our lives and a pathway for us to follow.

Micah 6:8 (NIV) says: “…what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

To me, this verse offers profound peace. No matter what we’re going through, no matter the void we’re eager to fill, we can reference these three instructions and reset our inquiry. Read through this prayer and consider praying it for yourself:

Lord, in this moment, I confess I need You more than anything else. Though I’m anxious to know the next step for my life, I ask first that Your Kingdom come, and that Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Purify my heart to be more like Yours, to know the truth of who You are, so even when I’m lost or confused, I can rest knowing I’m loved and made in Your image. I want your love and your purpose for me to be the lens through which I see myself and the world around me.

Dallán Forgaill captures this in the words of the well-known hymn, ‘Be Thou My Vision’. Here are three verses from that old hymn:

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;  
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art;  
Thou my best thought, by day or by night;  
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise;
 Thou mine inheritance, now and always;  
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart;  
O King of glory, my treasure Thou art.

O King of glory, my victory won;  
Rule and reign in me ’til Thy will be done;  
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall;  
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

In the poem, Forgaill asks God to make Himself known. He does not ask for answers or next steps; simply Jesus. As much as we want to discern the will of God, we must first arrive at a point of complete surrender and total reliance.

And we see this theme of surrender and reliance echo throughout scripture:

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” ~ Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” ~ Matthew 16:24 (NIV)

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” ~ 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” ~ James 4:7 (NIV)

In doing the things listed in these verses, we can commit our ways to God and abandon unhealthy entitlement, idolatry, lust, and pride. We can even release to God our longing to know His plan!

In summary, if you want to know God’s will for your life, pursue the heart of God, and the plan will come.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” ~ Matthew 6:33

God will help you discover His next best step in His perfect timing. No matter what is happening in your life, when in doubt, simply “pour out” a simple prayer. Here’s one example:

God, I’m too hurt or lost to move in this moment; however, in faith, I cast my fear and anxiety upon you. In this posture of trust, I anchor my hope in you, counting the journey as joy as I wait upon you. Until then, I will say ‘yes’ to your Word in showing justice, kindness, and humility to the world around me. Amen.

Mercy Multiplied offers programs and resources to help people find freedom in Christ and discover the seeds of destiny God has planted in them. Click here for more information about the Keys to Freedom discipleship study.

Fall Down 7, Get Up 8: A SOAP Bible Study on Proverbs 24

July 12, 2025July 12, 2025Leave a comment

Scripture: Proverbs 24:16 – “For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.”

Prelude: Recently, I was reminded of a late 2000s NBA commercial in which Dwyane Wade collapses to the parquet multiple times over the course of his career. After a montage of tumbles, a new series unfolds in which he rises from each fall before the screen goes to black…

Coincidently, this connects to a separate memory last decade. Remember the 2017 NAACP Image Awards when Denzel Washington delivered one of his most iconic speeches?

“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”

…still gives me chills to this day.

Understandably, many cite this line as a Japanese proverb with a credit to celebrity enlightenment; however, in reality, its true source is the Word of God; hence, this SOAP Bible study in which we will dissect the contrast in greater detail.

As always, let’s dive in…

Observations: In a vacuum, this verse compares the resilience of the righteous to the cowardice of the wicked. Both sides face setbacks and challenges, but only one perseveres through them. While some assume this verse suggests adversity comes to the unwise, the reality is that calamity finds all of us at one point or another. The key is how we respond and endure the way God intended.

As mentioned in a recent post, even good people fail sometimes, especially as they face new challenges and situations beyond their ability to handle. Humility applied, we must understand these circumstances are not the product of poor character, but a part of God’s plan to develop it. In what we say and do, are we willing to rely on God’s guidance in the fullness of faith and integrity? If not, we will inevitably succumb to stubbornness and disbelief as the trials undo us.

Symbolically, the number seven is used here to emphasize completion and perfection, as God’s grace empowers the righteous to suffer through their failures. Granted, man, in his finiteness, may be ‘one and done’ on certain matters; however, since God sees the entire picture, we can trust that in HIs faithfulness, He will give us multiple opportunities to clear our hurdles. How sweet it is knowing we can live from victory as we wrestle with and for God!

Following v. 16, we find a subsequent call in v. 17-18:

“Do not rejoice when your enemy falls and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the Lord see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him.”

As people redeemed by faith through the Cross, this charge cannot be understated. While our flesh may snicker at karma and the kind of justice that enhances our ego, we must never rejoice when others fall and can’t get up. If anything, we should intercede and consider our options to help. Even if we can’t directly intervene, we can pray for a person whose peace is in peril and build a broken brother up from a place of boundary.

Applications: Although chaos and conflict are unavoidable in this life, God is the one true constant through it all. When tough times come, we can rest knowing there’s a vertical response with our name on it. To those feeling God is leading you through a desert or wilderness right now, remember how God used Joseph in the Old Testament (Genesis 39) and Paul in the New Testament (2 Corinthians 1:8-10). You may feel lost in the hole or bind you’re currently in, but this could be part of a grander setup in which God is equipping your heart to reach a promise and purpose He has ordained for you.

Bottom line: God never fails and has the power to restore our confidence and redeem our failures. Although setbacks will come, as long as we fix our eyes on Jesus and follow His lead one step at a time, God will not only forgive us but also bring us to completion according to His Word (Philippians 1:6). Why not let Him be the fall back you crave when all hope seems lost?

Prayer:

“God, we turn and align to you in this moment. We thank you for being a merciful, faithful God in whom we can trust. Father, as I write this, I think about those in dry valleys, surrounded by bones, needing a spark. As men and women fallen in sin, we confess our need for a Savior, who through His strength and sovereignty, provides the tools and opportunities necessary to rise above the obstacles of life. For those wresting in guilt and shame, for those who feel defeated for not having passed a specific test, we speak peace, grace, truth, and love to their hearts and minds today. May they find you in the wake of their desperation, for others, in the midst of their course-correcting. In our frailty, we admit our limited perspective, our tendency to get way ahead or woefully behind you. Though the ways to faith derailment are many, we choose to lean on your understanding, to follow the prompting of your Holy Spirit, and to press into you with all that is within us. Bless your holy name. Come alive within us. Help us not to give up and give in but as Psalm 57:1 says, lead us from failure’s shadow in and under the shadow of your wings. Amen.“

Cover graphic creds: Redbubble

Healing at Work: Why God Leads Us Through Desert Seasons

June 22, 2025June 25, 20251 Comment

The other day, I was catching up with a former colleague when the following topic came up: Why does God lead us to places we don’t belong, places so far out of our giftings and comfort zones, they are practically impossible?

These are fair and popular questions during and after seasons of intense shaking and course-correcting. If we’re to start our exploration on the right foot, we must know who God is and how He journeys us. After all, God’s concern is not so much where we’re going as much as who we’re becoming. While man, in his lust for understanding, craves direction for his gain, be it clarity, validation, or something tangible, God is always after our hearts, relentlessly pursuing us in love (1 John 4:19). True to His Word, He never forsakes us and is always ready to help when we ask for it (Matthew 7:7; John 14:13-14).

So, if God is all this and more, why does He migrate us into deserts and wildernesses? Why does God sometimes open doors to places we’re hard-pressed to thrive, to be most effective?

As Jennie Allen suggests in her book, Untangle Your Emotions, when processing these questions, we must start with the right ‘W’. Often, we wonder why so we ask ‘why’, when really, we should be asking, ‘what’. For example, rather than ask God, ‘Why did you lead me here? Why did you let this happen? Why aren’t you manifesting’, inquire with, ‘God, what do you want me to know? What must I do to help this situation? What is it you want me to receive from you at the moment?’ While these are but a few examples, the mere shift in approach gives us a healthy starting point from which we can troubleshoot internal dissonance.

I believe for many of us, we’re searching not only for answers but stillness with a side of healing. Often, to what we hope for, we’re desperate for an improvement of circumstance, character, even health. The problem is while our reliance in the vertical is perpetually possible, the restoration we crave in the horizontal isn’t always plausible; hence, why we sometimes succumb to a ‘why’ question as we seek to bridge the disconnect. The good news is while this divide may hurt in the short term, it can have long-term, large-scale impacts given it validates our call to rely on God when we’re overwhelmed. Feeling down in your doubt? Cast it on Him! Sensing unfair treatment? Pray for peace-making discernment. Struggling to reconcile the past or advance in your way? Submit your intent to Christ knowing He desires to mature you according to His purposes.

Stumble as we may, our grooming for eternity doesn’t pause in the potholes of life but by His stripes can be enhanced in our weakness.
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Accordingly, if you’re questioning God at a crucial intersection, if you’re struggling to arrive at peace, rest, forgiveness, whatever it may be, consider changing your ‘Why God’ into a ‘What God’ and watch what happens. Once your ‘what’ questions are in rhythm, marinate in the sweetness of God’s sanctification and strategize ways in which righteousness and holiness can cover your interactions with other people. Like ‘why’ questions, harboring offense and intentionally withholding good things (i.e. availability, a gentle critique/response, a listening ear, an effort to understand, etc.) will only cloud judgment and cap God’s love from flowing through us. Rather than quench the fires of tension or repair the damages of burnout, inquire what God wants to show you as you walk through it in humility. No need to panic or freak out; just leave it to the wrath and ways of God to straighten and enlighten. From there, all you have to do is breathe, release, and release again.

Ultimately, what compels us to journey through impossible places is God’s love filling in possible spaces – those spaces being our ‘deep’ (Psalm 42:7) desiring to know and grow in God within the world around us. As the Word attests, we were made to discover God; however, this cannot happen without the opportunity to trust Him in the desert, the wilderness, and all points in between. Remember God uses all things for good according to His perfect will purposed for those He loves (Romans 8:28). Core to our maturation as believers, we must learn to align faith and hope during adversity so any wresting against God can turn into wrestling with and for Him. Granted, this isn’t possible in our strength and requires daily sacrifice and surrender. But at the very least, we can respond to God’s pursuance and where He’s leading us, knowing we have nothing to lose and everything to gain in Christ Jesus following in His footsteps.