Category: Grief Coaching & Counseling

Healing Declared: A SOAP Study on Luke 13:10-17

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**New excerpt from Juju’s book…**

In Luke 13:10-17, Jesus is teaching in the synagogue on the Sabbath when he notices a woman with a disabling spirit. As she totters through the temple gates, Jesus calls the woman over, confirms her restoration, and heals her condition. No longer crooked, she glorifies God and prompts Jesus to criticize the religious leaders for their lack of compassion.

Digging into this summary, we find meaningful implications, especially where sickness and infirmity dwell. For starters, we must not deny those around us who are poor in spirit and health, desperate for Jesus in a way that extends past their margins.

As a NICU alum, I can boldly testify to this. Every day during Juju’s life, Lys and I entered a larger-than-life mystery box, a stream of unknowns where anything could happen. From what we experienced, the emotional highways were unending from dead-end hopelessness to confounding crossroads. In each situation, parents, like the crooked woman, were searching for anything their hope could cling to – comfort, healing, answers, you name it!

Yet, as challenging as that season was, the contrast in processing helped us understand the power within the presence of God. While there were moments when we sought the Lord because there was no other way, there were other times we sensed his call and responded accordingly. So, it was with our protagonist in Luke 13, who not only personified what it meant to be in the right place at the right time but saw her affliction as a catalyst for intervention.

Examining the woman’s transformation, we find some notable takeaways, particularly in v. 10-13, during which Jesus orchestrates his miracle:

1. In v. 10, Jesus sees the woman even though he was already teaching in the synagogue.
2. At the start of v. 12, he calls her over instead of continuing with his message.
3. By the end of v. 12, he declares her freedom before healing her disability.

While circumstantial at the surface, we can behold the intentionality within this order when we assess similar healings in the Gospels. Like the bent woman, Jesus repeatedly modeled his heart alongside his power, relating to the context of suffering even before his presence was recognized. This poses a powerful thought:

To the extent our faith activates when we sense God’s presence, it also stirs when we hear His voice. Like gravity, His Word summons the innermost part of our being in a way that compels us to move in his direction.

No wonder the woman had no issue journeying to Jesus. the joy set before her resonating with the joy set before him.

Upon her arrival, note how Jesus reacts: He doesn’t immediately remove the woman’s iniquity but proclaims her victory! Again, this subtle progression is profound. Though some might question why Jesus would call his shot, the purpose behind his declaration wasn’t to simply highlight his divinity but to deliver salvation while proving his love. Had the purity behind the action lacked, the woman’s response may have reflected differently. But like many before her who battled long-lasting crippling ailments, the outflow of praise rode on the heels of the expectancy. In the end, it was all about Jesus, religious and wishful sentiments be da*rned.

For the griever and/or loved one stuck in the hospital, while our prayers have power and purpose, what we voice as expressions of hope yields the truth of who God is and what he wills from his nature. Ultimately, God is going to finish the good work he started in you (Philippians 1:6) as heaven meets earth in wonder-working fashion (Matthew 6:10). True, we will never have all the answers as to why we must endure in specific ways; however, when we remember how Jesus made space to heal a woman in the middle of a sermon on a day His Father set apart for rest, we can draw encouragement knowing God is always for us, even during the darkest and craziest of days.

Prayer: “Jesus, you told your followers, ‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, so believe in Me as well. Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives,’ (John 14:1, 27). We confess we need your peace, the peace of God, which transcends all understanding’ (Philippians 4:7) to guard our hearts and minds. We humbly come before you with our weary hearts and pray that you continue to show us fresh levels of love and grace as we go through this season of sorrow and transition. Help us to find peace in your presence. Wipe our tears, Lord, and carry us through this season of mourning and deep sadness. Help us to trust in your unfailing love and to fix our eyes on you, Jesus. As we lift our worries to you, we humbly ask that you lift up our hearts from what may overwhelm us. May your presence bring us joy and comfort as we embark on this journey of healing with you. In your most holy name, we pray. Amen.”

Cover photo creds: Sunflower Seeds

The Endure Cure: A Word on Corporate Suffering

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On Monday, I had the privilege of leading devos at Mercy Multiplied’s weekly meeting. Here’s a cut from my share which includes a slice of recent testimony… #lordhavemercy 🦋

…Still, I wonder about those among us, even under our care who are suffering, in full on survival mode. How do we cope as we hope? How do we trust when internally we’re about to bust? How do we endure and suffer the way God intended?

Whatever the answers are, both at the 20,000-foot level and at the surface, the truth is: Suffering is part of our divine call, not just individually but corporately. Often, we take a head-down approach to perseverance. We sense a challenging situation and tackle it through our ‘more than conqueror’ identity. Granted, there is nothing wrong with that in a vacuum; however, the potential problems I see are at least two-fold:

1) In the day-to-day grind, we individualize and compartmentalize our endurance.
2) In the day-to-day chaos, we fail to consider the beauty in our suffering.

The premise of this devo is a charge for us to view perseverance as more than enduring with character but also embracing the beauty in suffering. Are we pausing each day to be still with God, to receive His grace and smiles in the personal and corporate challenges we’re walking in?

I’m reminded of a Point of Grace song from their All the World album. Does anyone remember ‘Heal the Wound’ co-written by Nicole Nordeman? Here is an excerpt from the song:

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don’t take pride in what I bring
But I’ll build an altar with the rubble that You’ve found me in
And every stone will sing of what You can redeem.

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart, take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar.

Don’t let me forget
Everything You’ve done for me
Don’t let me forget
The beauty in the suffering!

This song is music to the ears, inspiration to the heart, and emphasizes certain realities of Scripture.

  1. Jesus, the one we can boast in, has carried our greatest burden (Isaiah 53:3-5) and out of that, still helps us with our sorrows and burdens to this day. Accordingly, we don’t have to strive to ‘make it through’ or ‘get to the other side/the finish line’. We don’t have to carry the burden of making sense of our struggles (as I like to call them – “victories in progress”). Rather, we can lean on Jesus who felt the demands of ministry, who knows what it’s like to feel drained, yet with the joy set before Him, referenced the Father, the ultimate source of His power. Like Him, we’ve been given what we need for goodness and godliness but can still ask for wisdom, help, strength, grace, etc. as paupers in Spirit (Oswald Chambers).
  2. As co-sufferers in Christ (Romans 8:17), we can help others endure through suffering and share with them the comfort we’ve received from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-6) as we bear our own crosses (Matthew 16:24, 1 Peter 2:19-21, Romans 8:16-18). We may feel compromised on account of our weakness, but this can allow the Father’s heart to resonate in realness with people assuming our abiding in Christ is in rhythm.
  3. Difficult circumstances outside of our control can be prompts to remain vertically reliant, to seek first God and His Kingdom. Without adversity, we cannot live as tested, faithful, and dependent vessels. The beauty of suffering is that it gives us the opportunity to become like Jesus, to see our redemption as secure, and our victory as imminent even if the pathway doesn’t make sense, even if the breakthrough and miracles we crave don’t happen the way we anticipated.

Why are these points important? Because they confirm how God works! Specifically, the breakthrough we need, the challenges we endure in Jesus’ name, and the miracles we’re contending for aren’t limited to timely answered prayers (or even answered prayers at all). As Paul writes in his letters, finding freedom isn’t confined to what we get over but what we get through. Put another way, God doesn’t promise us we’ll get over everything, but He does promise we’ll get through anything.

For my wife, Lys, and I, we’ve learned and re-learned this truth many times during our 11-year marriage. Yet, by far, the greatest challenge for us came in August 2021 when our daughter, Jubilee, was diagnosed with intrauterine growth restriction four months ahead of her due date. While Lys and I did everything we could to stay healthy, the combination of Juju’s growth environment and Lys’ preeclampsia proved too much. Only 18 days post-diagnosis, our small Fry would make her worldly debut as a micro preemie coming in at 25 weeks, 10 inches, 1.2 pounds, chronic-lung disease, pulmonary hypertension, less than a <10% of living past day 1, and less than 5% of making it past the first week.

Thankfully, God had other plans and proved Himself mighty as we clung to hope at the end of our rope. While our prayers for Juju to survive the NICU and make it home did not materialize, as our hearts healed, we learned to see her miracle as the impact she made on the thousands of lives, including us, shattering medical expectations and probabilities along the way.

In hindsight, Lys and I know the miracle of Juju’s life would have still been clinched even if she hadn’t lived past the first day. For even as we contended with God in our pain and despair, He was faithful to enlarge our capacity to sense His sovereignty and the sweetness of His nearness, His tender hand holding ours.

Now, were we beyond angry and tempted to fold on certain days? Absolutely! I remember in the weeks following Juju’s death, wrestling intensely with God, asking Him why He would let her overcome her greatest afflictions only to succumb to a freak bout of sepsis. God, why wouldn’t you keep the miracle going having sustained it this long?

Having successfully stiff-armed the why’s (I.e. those subtle entitlements that tempt you to think you must have it all together or understand why you’re going through what you’re going through), throughout Juju’s life, I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by them in the aftermath. The mental torment was off the charts and on the precipice of depression, I was in desperate need of a spark heading into the last quarter of 2022.

That spark would manifest as a dream right before Juju’s Celebration of Life. In the dream, I’m thrust back in time storybook style. A dusty road, a mass of people, and one Jesus walking in front of me. In a unique role reversal, I’m the woman with the bleeding problem trying to keep pace with Jesus yet unable to do so. Desperate to touch Jesus’ robe, I cry out: ‘Jesus, can you please slow down? I’m trying to get to you. If I can just touch a piece of your robe, I know you can heal Juju!’

Suddenly, I’m on my knees with a warm hand on my shoulder. I can’t make out the face in front of me, but I know such a presence could only be Jesus. As I ponder how He jettisoned a football field in a millisecond, I hear Him speak to me: “You were never meant to touch my robe. You were meant to believe in and follow me. Now, look behind you and see how many are following me because you kept going.”

I look back and see a new body of people who weren’t there before. Picking up steam, I turn my head back to where the voice came from only to wake up…with a fresh understanding of the miracle Jesus accomplished during Juju’s life and how it would continue.

As for us in this room, I share this testimony to remind us how God is faithful to give purpose to suffering and anoint our steps as we walk through adversity…with Him. Sometimes, it takes seasons of discomfort and/or dislodging for a worldview or perspective to reset. Sometimes, it takes a walk through fire for us to see how God can redeem fallenness and fallen spirits alike.

My final encouragement to you is to not view your weaknesses, your limitations, your incompleteness, as something to ‘get through’ or stitch together. Don’t stiff-upper lip and head-down the challenges in front of you, blindly trusting they’ll blow over. Rather persevere in hope…with character…and with your heads up. After all, how can we be still and know He is God if we’re not postured as such? Position yourself to see God’s goodness within the grander scheme unfolding. If you come face to face with what makes you feel uncomfortable, rejoice! If you confront a situation that makes you feel unsettled…rejoice! If you’re reminded of something in your past or hit the wall of your finiteness and feel incomplete…rejoice…knowing we were never created to be completed in this life anyway.

And so, take joy and heart together. Embrace childlikeness in the sense you don’t need to make sense of your circumstances to reference and follow Jesus. Despite what others may say, you can be earnest and eager simultaneously and find peace in times when the lights of life turn off. As long as you let your light shine before men and stiff-arm those why’s, you will reach a promised land with rebuilt temple walls…in the name and wake of Christ.

Those, my friends, are just a few of the many beauties in suffering the way God intended. Again, the why’s, the how to’s, the hurdles we clear may vary, but the nature of God in the presence of our distress is absolute and a foundation for us to walk confidently on.

Selah.

Cover graphic creds: Desiring God

Sovereignty in Suffering: Why God Heals and Sometimes Doesn’t

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Why does God heal some people and not others?

I’m combing through the archives, realizing I haven’t touched this question yet, at least head on. And I suppose part of my hesitancy is due to many answers rightfully citing God’s sovereignty, but in a borderline cringe-worthy way, if that makes sense, when you know the answer is correct but by incomplete, even insensitive means.

To those who have lost loved ones, the world not only needs to know the answer but how you specifically arrived there. As a former math undergrad, I can’t help but want to show my work. Even if I’m slightly off, a transparent step-by-step can be revealing for the better.

Without further ado, let’s dive in…

As teased above, the general issue I have in tackling this topic is the popular phrasing of the question, ‘Why God allows suffering…or bad things to happen’. A simple Google search is testament to many people not wanting the accountability that comes with free will as those loved by God yet born into sin. Before we can break down God’s sovereignty into what God allows versus doesn’t allow, one must know who God is.

For the purposes of this post, we’re going to establish God as more than enough, as the Rock whose work is perfect and ways are just – a “God of faithfulness and without iniquity” (Deuteronomy 32:4) whose steadfast love and faithfulness goes before Him (Psalm 89:14).

As such, if we want to believe in God, then we must accept absolute good as only possible through perfect love (I.e. The Trinity) which God not only possesses but fully embodies. Conversely, we must accept this reality isn’t possible within our self-centered bias and without a reliance on a higher authority. In essence, if we want to broach this question, we must assess our relationship to the supreme governance we’re taking into question. Remember relativism in a vacuum isn’t the problem; it’s the fact many have inverted relativism and absolutism with self being the standard setter, in turn, replacing faith with entitlement. Give me someone who doesn’t under the existence of suffering and I’ll show you one who doesn’t understand faith, hope, the divine and our relationship to it, etc.

But enough of the theological and philosophical mumbo-jumbo. I know most of you reading this understand all this. I’m just sayin’ if we want to address this inquiry, we must start with who God is…every time. Even if our inventory is nothing more than a refresher, the infinite layers of God’s greatness are worth pondering.

Back to the initial question: Why does God show His hand and seems to withhold it in some situations?

While there is truly an element of mystery within our quest to understand, the short and skinny is in Scripture. If we fuse a string from Paul’s letters, we find the God who works all things AND holds them together, intends all things for our good. Why should a man not complain about the consequences of sin? Why does God not always intervene to quench chaos, crisis, and calamity? That answer is in one word…His Word!

The way I think of it: The Creator of all things is always creating ways for people to find Him which includes the testimony of those who cling to Jesus. As for walking on the paths God sets, this requires responsibility and full reliance. Without them, one cannot find God within the grand scheme unfolding, let alone how He can redeem the effects of fallenness for His glory.

For Lys and I, while we’re decent people whose hearts are often in the right place, at the end of the day, we aren’t detached from the ultimate consequence of sin, which is death. Still…

  • By way of the Cross, we know our eternal home, security, and perspective regarding our freedom.
  • By way of restoration, we know healing and recovery.
  • By way of sanctification, we know suffering has a place as we discover God and mature into His likeness.

Accordingly, we believe the same God who gave us free will to choose Him is the same God who elects to choose how His power will manifest, even if the display isn’t synonymous with our initial expectation. Now, I know this statement can be frustrating for some. It’s certainly not my heart to dilute this discussion into a binary equation.

That said, the truth always bears repeating:

Just as God is infinite, so are the ways His power and grace can evince within His sovereignty.

Since God is perpetual love which covers everything from His omniscience to our purpose, we have every reason to trust that His perfect will…will…be done, not only when we’re tested, but especially so.

Put another way, God being mighty to save does not imply He will always save in accordance with our immediate best interest. Rather, the attribute speaks to God’s relentless pursuit of our hearts as One who saved and still saves today. At any given point, God is sowing within the tapestry of where our responsibility (to pray, abide, trust, etc.) and His sovereignty collide. And while it’s human to crave the majestic aspect here wonder working power is imminent, the origin is first and foremost internal. In this way, whether God allows an external match or withholds it, the result can go beyond us into tomorrow, the next and next door, and so forth.

In closing, I lift a victorious fist. Glory to God the road isn’t smooth sailing and compels us to come together amidst our discomfort. Glory to God the Scriptures can come alive as we depend on the Father the same Jesus modeled for us. And glory to God hope and compassion can spring to the forefront as we demonstrate truth to a decaying world.

Remember the earth is God’s footstool and it comes with daily prompts to look up and know He’s in control even our lives seem out of it.

‘Tis why we often say you got this and keep going. Even when the days are dark, He’ll keep the light on one way or another.

#Selah #noregrets …

Graphic creds: Desiring God

Mourning Glory: Hoping in the Midst of Grief (Part 3)

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For the first time in this series’ history, I’m writing a post to compliment parts 1 and 2 linked above. After encountering a revelation deluge during a sultry late summer run last weekend, I figured integrating these points into this episode made sense.

If you’re checking in for the first time, our goal with ‘Mourning Glory’ is to learn what the Bible says about grief and how to channel mourning into giving God all the glory. In many ways, these posts capture the journey Lys and I have been on this year. We hope these truths minister to your heart regardless of your circumstances.

1) Finding grief in the account of the 12 spies (Numbers 13)

Whether or not we realize it, there’s a piece of us internally during seasons of healing, recovery, and intense grieving looking to scout and assess where we are. Since we almost always need something to anticipate, our idea of ‘Promised Land’ generally becomes the ultimate source of hope (on earth edition). The million-dollar question is: What is our ‘Promised Land’ and how are we getting there?

To answer this question, we have to know what constitutes the giants in our life – what constitutes the Nephilim, and God’s role in the entire operation. For most, we’ve misappropriated our grief within the analogy. We think the giant in the room is the heartbreak, depression, whatever is causing us pain/hurt, etc. However, I submit…

Your pain isn’t the giant in the room. Perhaps an elephant but not a giant. The giant in the room is any toleration or stronghold that keeps us from pressing through…by faith – anything that keeps us stagnant as we walk through hell and/or keeps us from wrestling with God the way Jacob did with the man in Genesis 32. 

Put another way, the giants in our lives are tolerated strongholds/sins and negative behavior patterns we use as coping mechanisms and bartering tools to maintain any sense of satisfaction. Tangentially, wrestling with God is how we conquer them and should not be considered optional in our journey to the Promised Land.

Speaking of Promised Land, what is it in the grand scheme of grieving, mourning, and journeying through pain/suffering? I think for most, we assume this represents a graduation, the proof of having healed and moved on. The problem is: If we abide by this perspective, then we limit victory as only realized once we’ve crossed a ‘finish line’, even if it’s one we can’t define it.

If we’re to correct from this mindset, we have to adjust the past vs. participle dichotomy within our thinking. For instance, while many view breakthrough as a binary function (I.e. you’re healed or not healed, moved on or haven’t moved on), the truth is: 

We’ve already been set free and as such, can discover our new creation identity on top of our ‘loved by God’ identity day by day.

While the Word says we’ve been purchased at a price, this doesn’t mean we’re going to hit a point in this life when we’re officially complete. In the context of fullness, we’re never going to be complete. We’re never going to be perfect; however, we can still pursue it as being perfected (Matthew 5:48).

Why does this matter? Because we can live and heal without the burden of feeling far from an end goal when the goal is Jesus and He’s never far away!

God is everything and as such, can’t be detached from the Promised Land we’re seeking. Accordingly, don’t forsake or undermine His oasis presence as you journey but receive Who is He as what sustains you and maintains momentum. Walking with us through the valleys and shadows of life implies motion; however, we can’t self-effort that motion (and e-motion for that matter) in a way that leads to where we want to go. This is one of the main reasons why it took the Israelites 40 years to journey through the wilderness.

The Promised Land is multi-dimensional. Although you can experience a part of it through Christ alone, you may still feel far from victory, or should I say the evidence of victory (I.e. being around a group of people that have historically misunderstood you, being in the same space where at one point you experienced trauma in some capacity). Certainly, we can’t embrace strength and courage without abiding by the Spirit and trusting in God’s sovereignty.

For now, I encourage you not to make certain people and circumstances the enemy, as the giants in the room. They are not worth the negative empowerment at the cost of your distrust. Rather, if you want to view your grief as a race, bring God into every leg of it. If it’s a journey, bring Him along as if He’s in your backpack, fanny pack, whatever. The joy in walking with Jesus is you’re being changed, perfected, and nurtured day-by-day. God isn’t just at the finish line waiting for you. He’s with you through the grieving/mourning process ready to share fresh facets of His nature you couldn’t have known had you not gone through the pain, hardship, etc. Hence, why we should see suffering as a gift more than anything else. 

2) Finding grief in the account of Jacob’s wrestling with God (Genesis 32)

In this chapter, Jacob is looking for favor in the heat of stress and anxiety. Not only does he feel the betrayal from Laban, but the wrath from Esau, caught up in a bizarre series of deceptions with his life on the line. Like the griever, he’s desperate for assurance and blessing, the realization of comfort and God being for him, not against him. This sets the stage for the wrestling with ‘the man’ (v. 24 ), a beautiful picture of how we should cling to Jesus when we’re suffering and in some cases, grieving on the backend of loss.

Think about it: Jacob had everything to gain tackling His Lord. The cost set before him, he was determined to be take hold of his inheritance relative to his identity despite a side effect in the most literal sense. And it’s here where my imagination has been captured of late.

In the heat of the moment, despite his mourning and discomfort, Jacob never let go…not only to the glory of God but for the sake of never walking the same way again.

As Jacob portrays, wrestling with God is an intimate experience. While it can be uncomfortable, the reality of pain being a gift can triumph through rest knowing we have a default way to react when something goes wrong. I’m telling you, my friends, this is the power and significance of the limp and why we should embrace it as we journey in unity, contend in hope, and help others in need.

Just as we limp when a bone is out of joint to protect us from further damage, we limp when we lose a beloved person and/or experience a significant life change. While limps come in various shapes, sizes, and severities, when we grieve the right way, our inner man is declaring ‘I need Jesus’/’I need my brokenness aligned amidst a broken world‘ . Conversely, when we grieve the wrong way, we declare the injustice is with God Himself and/or the specific people and strongholds involved in the situation that may be fueling the grief.

Therefore, we can take joy when we consider our grief/mourning in the construct of Genesis 32 knowing pain can help us not only reach for Jesus, but see Him reflected in what we’re going through, our limp an always present reality keeping us humble and hopeful along the way. 

In closing, I charge you, brothers and sisters, to grieve in hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13) knowing…

And even if you feel you can’t, that’s okay. For in your weakness, He is strong and in your vulnerability shine all the more brightly through saints and providence alike. While more content on this topic will eventually follow, for now, as I always say in bidding adieu…

Selah.

Cover photo creds: Bing Wallpapers HD