Mourning Glory: Hoping in the Midst of Grief (Part 3)

August 8, 2023August 11, 2023Leave a comment

Part 1: https://youtu.be/8G6ohGFNQLs
Part 2: https://youtu.be/sYnP19jQUyw

For the first time in this series’ history, I’m writing a post to compliment parts 1 and 2 linked above. After encountering a revelation deluge during a sultry late summer run last weekend, I figured integrating these points into this episode made sense.

If you’re checking in for the first time, our goal with ‘Mourning Glory’ is to learn what the Bible says about grief and how to channel mourning into giving God all the glory. In many ways, these posts capture the journey Lys and I have been on this year. We hope these truths minister to your heart regardless of your circumstances.

1) Finding grief in the account of the 12 spies (Numbers 13)

Whether or not we realize it, there’s a piece of us internally during seasons of healing, recovery, and intense grieving looking to scout and assess where we are. Since we almost always need something to anticipate, our idea of ‘Promised Land’ generally becomes the ultimate source of hope (on earth edition). The million-dollar question is: What is our ‘Promised Land’ and how are we getting there?

To answer this question, we have to know what constitutes the giants in our life – what constitutes the Nephilim, and God’s role in the entire operation. For most, we’ve misappropriated our grief within the analogy. We think the giant in the room is the heartbreak, depression, whatever is causing us pain/hurt, etc. However, I submit…

Your pain isn’t the giant in the room. Perhaps an elephant but not a giant. The giant in the room is any toleration or stronghold that keeps us from pressing through…by faith – anything that keeps us stagnant as we walk through hell and/or keeps us from wrestling with God the way Jacob did with the man in Genesis 32.
Tweet

Put another way, the giants in our lives are tolerated strongholds/sins and negative behavior patterns we use as coping mechanisms and bartering tools to maintain any sense of satisfaction. Tangentially, wrestling with God is how we conquer them and should not be considered optional in our journey to the Promised Land.

Speaking of Promised Land, what is it in the grand scheme of grieving, mourning, and journeying through pain/suffering? I think for most, we assume this represents a graduation, the proof of having healed and moved on. The problem is: If we abide by this perspective, then we limit victory as only realized once we’ve crossed a ‘finish line’, even if it’s one we can’t define it.

If we’re to correct from this mindset, we have to adjust the past vs. participle dichotomy within our thinking. For instance, while many view breakthrough as a binary function (I.e. you’re healed or not healed, moved on or haven’t moved on), the truth is:

We’ve already been set free and as such, can discover our new creation identity on top of our ‘loved by God’ identity day by day.
Tweet

While the Word says we’ve been purchased at a price, this doesn’t mean we’re going to hit a point in this life when we’re officially complete. In the context of fullness, we’re never going to be complete. We’re never going to be perfect; however, we can still pursue it as being perfected (Matthew 5:48).

Why does this matter? Because we can live and heal without the burden of feeling far from an end goal when the goal is Jesus and He’s never far away!

God is everything and as such, can’t be detached from the Promised Land we’re seeking. Accordingly, don’t forsake or undermine His oasis presence as you journey but receive Who is He as what sustains you and maintains momentum. Walking with us through the valleys and shadows of life implies motion; however, we can’t self-effort that motion (and e-motion for that matter) in a way that leads to where we want to go. This is one of the main reasons why it took the Israelites 40 years to journey through the wilderness.

The Promised Land is multi-dimensional. Although you can experience a part of it through Christ alone, you may still feel far from victory, or should I say the evidence of victory (I.e. being around a group of people that have historically misunderstood you, being in the same space where at one point you experienced trauma in some capacity). Certainly, we can’t embrace strength and courage without abiding by the Spirit and trusting in God’s sovereignty.

For now, I encourage you not to make certain people and circumstances the enemy, as the giants in the room. They are not worth the negative empowerment at the cost of your distrust. Rather, if you want to view your grief as a race, bring God into every leg of it. If it’s a journey, bring Him along as if He’s in your backpack, fanny pack, whatever. The joy in walking with Jesus is you’re being changed, perfected, and nurtured day-by-day. God isn’t just at the finish line waiting for you. He’s with you through the grieving/mourning process ready to share fresh facets of His nature you couldn’t have known had you not gone through the pain, hardship, etc. Hence, why we should see suffering as a gift more than anything else.

2) Finding grief in the account of Jacob’s wrestling with God (Genesis 32)

In this chapter, Jacob is looking for favor in the heat of stress and anxiety. Not only does he feel the betrayal from Laban, but the wrath from Esau, caught up in a bizarre series of deceptions with his life on the line. Like the griever, he’s desperate for assurance and blessing, the realization of comfort and God being for him, not against him. This sets the stage for the wrestling with ‘the man’ (v. 24 ), a beautiful picture of how we should cling to Jesus when we’re suffering and in some cases, grieving on the backend of loss.

Think about it: Jacob had everything to gain tackling His Lord. The cost set before him, he was determined to be take hold of his inheritance relative to his identity despite a side effect in the most literal sense. And it’s here where my imagination has been captured of late.

In the heat of the moment, despite his mourning and discomfort, Jacob never let go…not only to the glory of God but for the sake of never walking the same way again.

As Jacob portrays, wrestling with God is an intimate experience. While it can be uncomfortable, the reality of pain being a gift can triumph through rest knowing we have a default way to react when something goes wrong. I’m telling you, my friends, this is the power and significance of the limp and why we should embrace it as we journey in unity, contend in hope, and help others in need.

Just as we limp when a bone is out of joint to protect us from further damage, we limp when we lose a beloved person and/or experience a significant life change. While limps come in various shapes, sizes, and severities, when we grieve the right way, our inner man is declaring ‘I need Jesus’/’I need my brokenness aligned amidst a broken world‘ . Conversely, when we grieve the wrong way, we declare the injustice is with God Himself and/or the specific people and strongholds involved in the situation that may be fueling the grief.

Therefore, we can take joy when we consider our grief/mourning in the construct of Genesis 32 knowing pain can help us not only reach for Jesus, but see Him reflected in what we’re going through, our limp an always present reality keeping us humble and hopeful along the way.

In closing, I charge you, brothers and sisters, to grieve in hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13) knowing…

And even if you feel you can’t, that’s okay. For in your weakness, He is strong and in your vulnerability shine all the more brightly through saints and providence alike. While more content on this topic will eventually follow, for now, as I always say in bidding adieu…

Selah.

Cover photo creds: Bing Wallpapers HD

AI and Christianity: The Intersection Of Technology and Faith at Work (Intro)

August 1, 2023August 2, 2023Leave a comment

For the typical working man, the twists and turns of corporate life can be unpredictable, sometimes sudden.

Granted, there are many roles with descriptions defined by consistency; however, for others, especially entrepreneurs, small business owners, even freelancers, the marketplace can seem like a daily flight through wake turbulence. Sometimes, you don’t recognize the bumps until you’re in them.

As most can relate, to excel in occupation is to know how to execute in the face of routine and audible alike. The question is: How does this look like when a non-rescindable, large-scale, global phenomenon, like Artificial Intelligence, is the catalyst?

Before I continue, please note I do not approach this subject as an AI expert. Rather, I submit my words as a humbled yet curious marketplace minister committed to understanding the times. Knowing me, I could spin this off into a Romans 1 SOAP Bible Study and paint modern technology as an example of evil alluded to in v. 23.

¹⁸For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. ¹⁹For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. ²⁰For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world,^[g] in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. ²¹For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. ²²Claiming to be wise, they became fools, ²³and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
Romans 1:18-23 (ESV)

However, this wouldn’t completely capture my conviction given I believe AI can have positive life-altering implications. The problem I have is not with the science but the people behind the architecture who have openly admitted to what can only be described as a Pandora’s Box unfolding before our eyes. In recent years, the signs of an arms race were becoming increasingly imminent. Now, with billions of dollars and millions of egos at stake, the writing on the wall is clear: While the power of AI was inevitably going to be unleashed, the unveiling was too much too soon. Depending on what tutorial you use in your educational research, don’t be surprised if you hear such a claim.

On a personal level, the topic hits close to home as Lys and I lost a signature freelancing gig in May due to AI after a 3.5-year run. As writers in the 21^st century, it’s the price we pay in a world that assumes the voice-heart connection is easily reproducible and values automation over augmentation. No doubt, for every wise business leader who understands the dichotomy, there is a foolish one abusing it to cookie-cut corners and fuel self-serving agendas. While a follow-up post will seek to break down the automation/augmentation divide, for now, I call upon my working brothers to be careful as you discover and formulate new strategies.

For as Lys and I experienced earlier this year, the excitement behind AI integration can ignite, how do I say it diplomatically…robotic impulses within. If you’re a business owner/leader tasked with implementation, I implore you: Don’t ever undervalue the flesh, blood, and lifeblood of your company. Likewise, to new job seekers, don’t assimilate or over-spiritualize AI as a necessary evil.

As it’s been said before and will continue being said, people won’t be losing their jobs to AI but to people who know how to use it. Thus, the debate at hand should not be whether AI is necessary or why it exists but how can it be used the right way for the right reasons by the right people.
Tweet

Again, I’m not here to shout on a pedestal or lash out in soreness. Truth be told, it wasn’t the abrupt releasing that hurt Lys and I, it was the fact the change in direction wasn’t communicated with us until we saw the evidence ourselves. Imagine writing for people you once respected only to be let go without any ‘heads up’? Regardless of relationship history, the initial shock would likely come across as whiplash to most in that situation. As a firm believer in all people being co-equal in value, diverse in function, I can only hope the ethics in our situation would be deemed questionable by the majority.

Yet, bringing this intro post in for a landing, I trust this premise is relatable and on target. Whether you’re an employee or contractor, your work matters and you deserve to have a voice in critical conversations about your impact and how it can evolve before ties are cut. Accordingly, as we pursue fewer humans in certain operational affairs, let us not be less humane in our treatment of our colleagues and subordinates.

After all, while God has given man talents and skill sets to govern the utilization of artificial intelligence, it does not permit us to distribute our ‘mind of Christ’ mentality by proxy. As vocationals blessed with unique gifts, what the divine has imparted should never be taken for granted to the point we leverage it with what has become idolatry to an unyielded world. If your intentions are rooted in convenience and bottom line alone, consider a responsibility lateral to one who understands it is man who is called by God to be faithful stewards of natural and artificial resources and subdue the earth as an overflow, not man’s creations. If what you design and develop is the definition of what makes your company great, news flash: It isn’t, at least it shouldn’t.

And while it’s true, there’s no turning back now, based on what’s already been unleashed, this doesn’t mean God can’t inspire wisdom among those daring enough to embrace it.

More to come on this subject. For now…

Selah.

Photo creds: Dhaka Tribune; New York Times

Right Up My Aili: The Final Small Fry (Part 1)

July 23, 2023July 23, 2023Leave a comment

It’s another sultry evening in west Nash as I type this. I don’t speak on my behalf when I say I’m glad recent storms have finally subsided.

For most of you reading this, you know how much I love storms. When I’m in one, I’m one step closer to awe – one step closer to life making more sense. After all, the winds within are never far away.

Of course, you wouldn’t know it given the script of 2023’s first half, a stretch in which the theme of forced rest amidst evolving pursuits have re-emerged. While the in-house volume has emphatically increased, in several areas of life, Lys and I have been forced to mute the noise to maintain heading.

And so it is, I pen this post during the last normal weekend for the foreseeable future. Houston, start down the countdown. We’re less than six days away from the final small Fry making her arrival.

While much attention this year has been given to the Juby Journey book, occasionally, it helps to zoom out to 20,000 feet and refresh a different page. Personally, I find the practice not just helpful but vital – a necessity during such disorienting days.

This dichotomy, man. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt and likely will ever feel again.

On one hand, the grief of losing Juby last September has finally started to subside. Slowly but surely, Lys and I are getting there though as I’ve said before: You can’t ever quantity a journey through grief and its cycles. You can only paint a picture through watercolor language. Even then, you’re talking about a mere speck on a 10′ x 10′ canvas of emotions. We’re moving in the right direction – an oasis there, a ray of sun there. Maybe someday, we’ll be out of the woods for good.

On the other, you have the anticipation of Aili, a golden surprise in what has been the smoothest pregnancy by a wide margin. Such a sweet kiss from the Lord as part of a redemptive narrative unfolding. Who would have guessed it based on what happened two years ago around this time?

Still, when you lose a child, you’re never the same again. And you certainly feel the rift when joyous occasions are on the horizon. As Lys and I shared in our Vandy grief support group in April, when you go through something like what we did last year, an organic strengthening occurs when perseverance is compelled to a life on the lines, when hope is forced to the end of its rope. Eventually, there are moments when the despondency softens and you realize you’ve made strides in becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.

But there is a cost, one tracing back to that same hope ironically enough. While endurance may have fortified your faith, your capacity to positively anticipate is broken, at least bent. And it’s here where the bizarre paradox starts to unveil. Yes, you’re grateful for the forging through fire. Still, you can’t help but wonder why so many shades of happiness are gone. Perhaps they’ve melded into scars and the only possible way to sense them is through the prelude of thanksgiving?

Whatever the case, while eager enthusiasm is much harder to come by, our desire to look up and receive fresh perspective remains at ease. Take it from the battle-tested: All those sermons about intentionality in referencing God, I’m telling you…they aren’t Sunday morning fluff. At some point, you grow up and realize there is no other way to find those morsels of encouragement. Sometimes, all you can do is pray. And that’s okay.

As for Lys and I, we’re doing what we’ve been doing for so long now – one day at a time, one hour at a time, keeping hearts transparent and lifelines secure. To be honest, I feel a tad guilty – I probably should be more excited about Aili’s arrival on Friday. The last time one of our own came into the world, there was so much chaos and hostility. Forgive me, Lord, I’m just a weak man walking on the sea. I believe in You and yet reserve my joy to seeing the evidence of health without compromise, your breath in her lungs as we pour out our praise. At this point, I don’t contend for normality but vibrancy in abundance. Hence, why Aili is the name we’re going with. In dark depths, when shadows are at their most opaque, there’s a bright, shining light in our midst reminding us He’s there looking out for us.

As for life itself, the internal knots will eventually unwind and streams once abandoned will be returned to. God knows what we’ve had to release in the short term and why. Certainly, where the help has and hasn’t occurred this year has been telling. Like a weather vane turning in slow motion, the signs aren’t lost on me. Glory to God, He speaks through and to voids, even ones unauthorized, to reach us with what only He can provide.

Yet, despite the mysteries and unknowns, what I can say is this: While the heart is weak and willing, as far as it be with us, we will relish the ride. Even as we pass through the turnstile of significant dates, August 21 and September 18, most notably, you can bet the joy set before Him, along with the cost, will be counted. Even though we feel trapped in a parallel universe, far removed from our intended plotline, our trust will remain anchored, our times in His hands.

We got this ’cause He had it first. May it be.

Until then, selah and know…

Graphic creds: Tenor; HD Wallpaper

Halftime: Reflections on 2023 and the Road Ahead

July 4, 2023Leave a comment

Three Impressions From 2023 So Far

Boundaries are an amazing thing when they are based in health and life wellness where self-preservation isn’t the primary driver but an overflow. I think many times we manufacture parameters that keep us comfortable, sometimes sheltered; however, this should never be a function of self-effort. Regardless of your situation, if you’re contending with mental and/or emotional deficits, if you’re being unfairly handled with negative physical implications, adhering to limits and routines can be healthy.
Grief is a gift that allows you to encounter and encourage people who have been there. Grief tears down walls, lets you meet people who understand pain and suffering with compassion, and promotes vulnerability along the way. Essentially, grief is a powerful tool in our ministry arsenal and can capture hope (and our ability to respond to it) in relatable ways.
Contrary to popular belief, not only is there a difference between mourning and grieving (see breakdown below) but there’s room to receive hope and choose joy in each case. While some people think you have to grieve to mourn only to get to the “good stuff”, this simply isn’t true. If we try and move people away from sadness instead of encourage them through it, we’re marginalizing God’s ability of reconciliation as it intends to operate through the saints. In an ideal world, the church can be a leader in the conversation, serving as an oasis for those in crisis where God’s healing presence is fostered.

Note: Per point #3, consider grief as a container holding your thoughts, feelings, and experiences when someone (or something) you love dies. In short, while grief is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss, mourning is when you allow grief to manifest externally with the aim to persevere and endure.

Cover photo creds: Wallpaper Flare

Shoutout to You: A Quick Word of Gratitude

June 23, 2023Leave a comment

So, I feel the need to write this update. Credit fresh conviction though part of this pondering has been brewing for the past few months.

Assessing the past few years of His Girl Fryday, I admit I have not been true to the original intent of this project. For over five years (2015-2020), I tailored my posts to the ‘marketplace minister’ discussing matters relative to vocational identity and workplace troubleshooting. We tackled topics pertaining to influence, team building, Scripture as best practice, work as worship and spiritual warfare, even applications and tools to simplify the hustle and bustle.

But for the last few years, well, if you’ve been following our family’s story, you understand how the epicenter of theme and trope had to change. In fact, this whole decade has been downright crazy starting with the COVID-19 pandemic, health complications with Everly late 2020/early 2021, and, of course, the Juby Journey from summer 2021 to fall 2022. In between all this, you had job transition, EMDR therapy, home remodeling, PTSD, and plenty of car trauma just to name a few. Needless to say, our core narrative has been compelled to adapt. And for whatever reason, I feel apologetic I haven’t been churning out more work-centric content to help build a bridge for the bivocational as our tagline proudly states.

Part of me has wondered if I should retire the endeavor and/or start a separate site to be a home to non-vocational musings, kind of like a catch-all to anything outside the His Girl Fryday umbrella. Honestly, I lean towards this approach and will be praying into a new name in the spirit of simplifying our purpose and returning to our humble beginnings.

Side note: For all you potential newbies out there, His Girl Fryday was birthed from a place of helping ministers balance work and church responsibilities and matured over time to include all vocationals as our biblical understanding of spiritual gifts broadened.

At the very least, I want to return to our premise and add fresh layers of insight to our library of resources. While the majority of 2021-22 posts likely lacked a direct impact into your personal life, Lys and I hope more of what we create moving forward will produce new life and motivation into the fabric of your day-to-day. Perhaps you can join me in reviewing the past two years’ worth of content through the lens of self and social awareness, specifically knowing how to journey people through their dark days and how to relate to those struggling with grief. To be fair, I’m sure there are many ways we can corporately receive the tenor of our writings outside the filters society demands, primarily relevance and prevalence.

All that said, I want to thank you as an audience for tolerating our randomness and sporadicness but more importantly, allowing us to take these recent years to share our hearts and journeys with you. The content clean-up will soon begin as new ideas take root and new series are conceived. No question, we count ourselves blessed as messengers equipped with words as arrows for such a time as this. We look forward to the future of this project and others on the verge of commencement as our family life continues to heal and settle.

Thanks again for being awesome ambassadors in your spheres.