Dear ego, 

I don’t get you. In stealth, you pursue me. In subterfuge, you derail me. 

As braincepts draw to the kibbutz in Beeri, the next winter in Ukraine, my mind is blown in a different way. How much I can be fool, how often I succumb to insecurity, vanity, the whispers within desperate to find danger, the next blind spot, letdown, etc.

In all sincerity, for the love of God…

And while you’re at it, stop locking me up as if I’m some victim turned prisoner. Stop trying to convince me these bars were set by my brothers when in fact I cemented them. Bars of false comfort, self-preservation…they are protection from nothing, a greenhouse trapping offense and cynicism. 

My pride inflates within your grasp and slips passive-aggressiveness under the door.

Why do I waste time seeking affirmation from the wise? Why do I look for people to prove themselves, to stay themselves? Especially from those who radiate what is good but are ultimately not the source, not the answer. Nothing and nowhere close to the splendor of you? 

In all sincerity, for the love of God…

You have no authority, control, or power over me. When I tell this to the principles that bind, the elemental spirits of the world, that’s your cue too. Even if you linger, I will no longer bow to your recriminations at unholy hours. Rather, I will yield to Lordship, the only embraceable solution and way out worth taking. 

And for the record, I’m not immune to your cunning, the way you convert expectations into burdens and burdens into bitterness. You feed my resentment and the idea I deserve more, that I’m worth something apart from my Maker. Truth be told, nothing could be further. 

So, stop searching me out. Stop climbing my city’s walls. I’m devout but not to your calls. Someday soon, I will be the one to insult you. 

For now, I relinquish my futile ploys, the entitlement to turn on people if I sense withdrawal and using encouragement withholding as warfare, among others. In place, I ask in all humility: Get behind me, ego. You weren’t intended to have any part with me. Why should you have a place where I’m going? 

Time to L e Go…

Selah.

Graphic creds: Threadless